I’m a bit random

In an effort to attenuate this, my tendency is to over explain. This makes me feel, and perhaps seem, a little complicated.

The truth is that I’m a logical progression of a number of unreconcilable threads. I am a truth that sits uncomfortably with the tendency to incorporate sensibly similar perspectives. In this space I can view people displaying themselves as they would like to be seen. Myself I’d like to simply be without need for extra display. Instead there is a philosophical peculiarity that I can’t explain but can only sense that I’ve been handed an ‘am’ that I’m not participating in, and more importantly that I’m not fully conscious of. That’s why I’ve decided to announce something in a public space that I’d feel more comfortable just getting on with and announcing the end result. To reconcile those threads for my own ends I have to randomise the notion of progression by placing it on Facebook and responding to what occurs.

I’d like to post ordinary stuff about what’s going on in life, privately or in the world beyond. Instead I’m posting about a grandiose intention to complete a work. It’s about pirates. Although I’d also like to make good on the intention to tell the story of my family as Ruari and Amanda have intimated, I’m doing my best to simply honour a contract as Cat expressed concerns about on Monday. It’s weird isn’t it that in a document I can make alive the existence of other perspectives solely by typing the names of the people concerned. Maybe to some extent that’s something else that this is. I’m the offspring of a political trouble maker and a morally uncompromisingly free thinker. Just by thinking I have the right to achieve something, even escape from the rigours of doubt for a moment, I’m stealing off the plates of the more integrated human beings.

* I’d like to keep things to three paragraphs but I shall just say something about a word I learned from re-reading my favourite piece of literature, the script for Taxi Driver. That word is evitable. It’s a rarely heard word, even auto-correct sees it as a spelling mistake. It’s possible that without an immense amount of concentration and belief it is more likely to be a mistaken idea than a reality. I’m sure most of us know the word inevitable. So the removal of the ‘in’ proposes a sense of possibility, that which may be changed. The line in the script runs –

Then one looks closer and sees the evitable. The clock sprig (sic) cannot be wound continually tighter. As the earth moves toward the sun, Travis Bickle moves toward violence.

Anyone with whom I have more day to day contact probably knows more about my story and the peculiar truth of that excerpt regarding me. However, it is a focus on the nature of evitability that I’m really inspired by. Is it possible to change? We don’t look closer and see the inevitable and that is what makes the story of Taxi Driver so fantastic. We know something is afoot and yet it is evitable, capable of being avoided, avertable. We watch the film through our fingers to see the outcome suspecting the worst but hoping otherwise. Really this is another post but hey-ho. That’s me, the diversion is something as tangible and immediate and alive as the direction proposed. But let’s not get too diverted. I still haven’t written anything more about the pirates discussed in the third paragraph. The clock spring needs winding….

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