FTHM March 2018 Edition 39

Scorpio 24 Oct – 22 Nov

It is a good time to enter a beauty contest, although don’t be surprised if they create a new category to cater for your ugliness. A man with a pot on his leg will prove to be a pain in the arse but just ignore him. A member of the opposite sex may give you the ‘glad eye’ but don’t get too excited as they are looking at you with their glass eye, and it’s a fact that you are as unattractive as ever.

Sagittarius 23 Nov – 21 Dec
Be careful in whom you confide this month as they will almost certainly put your personal business in the public domain. If you think people are communicating with you through your radiators then find yourself a good psychiatrist. It is a good time to visit Australia if you want to experience a real man’s world. Eat more spinach.

Capricorn 22 Dec – 20 Jan

It is a good time to reduce your alcohol intake so that you don’t constantly wake up thinking someone has used your mouth as a toilet. An admirer will irritate you, but be grateful that someone likes you as you are nothing to write home about. Someone with a posh accent will try to push you around but hold your ground as no one is any better than anyone else.

Aquarius 21 Jan – 19 Feb

An attractive woman will make you feel very special – but remember that when you have ‘maxed out’ your credit card, she will be nowhere to be seen. A football fanatic will bore you with her constant chatter about her favourite team, but make allowances as she has nothing much going for her. Some good news will put a smile on your miserable face. That crazy old man will continue to annoy you but show him some compassion.

Pisces 20 Feb – 20 Mar

Someone who you know will move far away so be sure to tell them what they mean to you – before you forget to keep in touch with them. Buy a present for your partner and maybe they won’t carry out their threat to leave you after all. It is a good time to buy yourself a new hat with lots of feathers on it. Do something about your boring chatter.

Aries 21 Mar – 20 Apr

This month you may consider purchasing a pet snake which you can release in your home to deal with your mice problem. Someone with one eye may give you some sound advice that makes you look at things in a different light. It is a good time to show your parents what they mean to you, even if they have let you down in the past. Buy yourself a new wig.

Taurus 21 Apr – 21 May

As my mother would say: “you’re a good turn but you’re on too long” so take a step away from the limelight, and allow someone else to shine for once – you cannot be the centre of attention, all of the time. You will be very constipated this month so invest in some good laxatives and hope for the best. Why not make some broccoli soup to give to a visitor you don’t really like?

Gemini 22 May – 21 Jun

A glamorous woman may seduce you with her looks one evening this month – but she will be a dreadful bore in the morning and may cause a visit soon to a local clinic. It is a good time to tell someone with their own teeth a very big secret. Why not take up knitting or crocheting. Seek treatment for your crippling OCD.

Cancer 22 Jun – 23 Jul

If you have a bit of spare money this month, then why not take out your other half for a surprise meal instead of buying those bags of cement you were thinking of purchasing. If you are single, it is about time you gave the ‘time of day’ to someone who has been showing interest in you for quite a while. It is a great time to start planning a holiday for later on in the year as you really deserve a break.

Leo 24 Jul – 23 Aug

The planets all lend themselves to you starting transitioning to be the person you have always felt you are. A gift of a box of chocolates may strengthen a budding friendship and may prove to be money well spent. Stop worrying about going bald as there is nothing you can do about it. It might be a good idea to sponsor a child abroad in a poor country – so you stop thinking about yourself so much.

Virgo 24 Aug – 23 Sep

People will start thinking you’re a bit odd this month, but don’t worry, as you will soon discover that you are the offspring of aliens who came and decided they liked planet Earth. You should now take up oil painting although don’t expect to rival people like Claude Monet overnight. Someone you have always thought to be a fool will give you some very important information that will really help you.

Libra 24 Sep – 23 Oct

You may feel old this month if you listen to the music your children like listening to. A portion of beef bourguignon with creamed potatoes and vegetables may make your life worth living after all. Money is tight at the moment so don’t go out spending like an irresponsible fool. A disabled person will inspire you if you pay more attention to them.

Barry, can you tell me a bit about yourself? I’m a Pagan and am very dedicated to my beliefs. I’ve been Pagan all of my life as my parents were pagan as well. I enjoy the life I live.

What does being a Pagan actually mean? I appreciate and respect nature – I like all life. I like animals. In fact, all life is important to me.

Do your views influence your diet? I’m vegetarian, though through my own choice as I just decided that I didn’t want to eat meat – I don’t agree with it so I don’t do it. But I do like things like milk and cheese.

Where do you live? I live in Todmorden but we came over from Ireland 14 years ago.

Are you Irish? No, but my wife Lisa is Irish.

I can see you’re just about to open a shop here in Todmorden, what is it called? Spiritual Connections– it opened on the 19th of January 2018

What are you going to sell? We sell ritual herbs – not for consumption but for making kits and spell potions. Handcrafted pagan, gothic and alternative jewellery by my wife Lisa as well as lots of other pagan and alternative gifts and altar items.

Do you cater for witches? Yes. We sell incense sticks, altar bells, a huge selection of magical herbs, deity and goddess dedicated jewellery, talismans and different Pagan things.

Is it true that you give Tarot readings? Yes, that’s true. I have done them from a very young age.

What is Tarot all about? Well I don’t think it tells you what to do as it is more for guidance because every person owns themselves and it’s not down to anyone else to tell another person what to do. It’s a great way to gain a better spiritual perspective on the pathway and your options.

So, what does a Tarot reading reveal? It’s like opening a window to you; it’s for guidance; it gives you a little insight into what’s going on, what’s happening. It gives you choices, but the last choice is always your own. It’s never down to the person doing the reading to decide things.

Is Tarot linked to the ‘dark side’ of life?  Well I personally don’t believe in a Devil as I think it is made up to scare people and control people. I think religions are all manmade to control the masses. We are all just part of nature.

Do you think we abuse nature? Completely and absolutely. I think the world doesn’t belong to us and we’re just part of it. People just take what they want regardless of the consequences – if you get everything you want it’s like being given a stone and seeing it as being meaningless.

As a Pagan, do you believe in an after-life? Yes, I do. I believe in seven planes of existence and this is one of them. I believe we’re on the third plane at the moment – so there’s two beneath us and four above us. I believe that different planes of existence build our character and enable us to learn more. Every day is a learning-day.

I’ve been Pagan all of my life and I think I am just scratching the surface to be honest. Somebody who says they know it all knows nothing because they are not prepared to learn.

Do you think you always come back as a human being? I think it’s different for different people and their paths, lessons and journey.

Do you think we have endless lives? Yes.

Always on this particular planet? No. We exist on several different levels and different planes. I do however, think we have a choice where we go.

Is love important in your life?  Love is a very big thing and without understanding it, I don’t think you can understand yourself.

What are your hopes for the shop here in Todmorden? I hope we make it! When we had our other shop in Whitby, people used to come in and talk and I was very happy with that – everything’s not just about buying and selling, it’s about people and people’s quality of life.

Sometimes people just came in to have a cup of tea and a chin-wag and this pleased me. We are spreading the word with our regulars that Todmorden is the place to be and hope to see them all soon. We hope the shop becomes a part of the community and we can help others on their path as we have spent the last 13 years doing so up in Whitby.

If people are interested, how can they contact you? We are at: 22 Water Street, TODMORDEN. 0L14 5AB

Website:    www.spiritualconnections.co.uk
Facebook: www.facebook.com/spidercoven
Also:          www.etsy.com/shop/spidercoven

What are your personal hopes for the future? I want to stay with Lisa with whom I had a Pagan wedding – an infinity Handfasting. We have three kids and I hope they grow into who they want to be. I hope we settle in Todmorden and find that sense of community that Todmorden is famous for. So far everyone has been amazing.

If you wish to advertise with From The Horse’s Mouth then please get in touch with Dean, our rates are very cheap and we assure you that your business visibility will increase as a result.
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I have found a list of ninety-four English nursery rhymes. If I research them all then Dean’s Magazine is going to be twice the size of a London Telephone Directory! So, I will research the favourite rhymes but if there is one which I have not mentioned then please tell Dean and, with his permission, it will be in the next issue. Rhymes fit into two main categories: those to do with health and the others political.

Perhaps the best known is ‘Ring a Ring o Roses’.

‘Ring a Ring o Roses
a pocket full of posies
Ashes! Ashes!
We all fall down.’

There is more than one explanation of this rhyme. One concerns the Black Death of London of 1665. The ‘Rosie’ is the rash that covered the afflicted, the smell from which they attempted to cover up with ‘a pocket full of posies’. The plague killed nearly 15 per cent of the population, which makes the final verse – ‘Ashes! Ashes! We all fall down’ dead. I have learnt something as I thought the final verse was ‘Atishoo! Atishoo!’ representing a sneeze.

The second explanation is said to be a religious ban on dancing among many Protestants in the nineteenth century, in Britain as well as in North America. Adolescents found a way around the dancing ban with what was called a ‘play party’ which was ‘ring games’ which differed from adult ‘square dances’.

‘Baa, Baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes, sir, yes, sir
Three bags full;
One for the master,
And one for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.’

This rhyme has several explanations and recent racial concerns have altered its wording. One explanation concerns the wool tax of 1275 which survived until the fifteenth century. The rhyme has also been connected to the slave trade particularly in the southern United States. More recently political correctness has changed the wording to ‘Baa, Baa, Rainbow Sheep’ or similar wording avoiding the word black. As recently as 2014 there has been similar controversy in the Australian state of Victoria.

Who Killed Cock Robin?

The full rhyme has twenty-five stanzas – too many to print in full so here are the first and last two:

“Who killed Cock Robin?” “I”, said the Sparrow,
” With my bow and arrow, I killed Cock Robin.”
All the birds of the air fell a-sighing and a-sobbing.
When they heard the bell toll for the poor Cock Robin.

This is an English folk song said to refer to the death of the legendry Robin Hood who stole from the rich to give to the poor. The poem reflects the high esteem in which Robin Hood was held by the common folk.

George Porgie

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry,
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away.

There are two explanations of this rhyme and are military or royalty. The good looks of George Villiers, the first Duke of Buckingham, led him to have many affairs with both sexes. He is one of the explanations of the rhyme.

The second is King George II who, as the Jacobite army came south ‘when the boys came out to play’, fled England for the safety of mainland Europe ‘Georgie Porgie ran away’.

That’s all for now. If you would like more please let Dean know.
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Researched by Little Bo-Peep.

My mum died last year in June and was buried in July; her body was put on ice to keep it until all the family and friends could attend the funeral. 

I remember going to see her, in her care home, quite a lot on a Saturday morning. I miss her a lot and carried her little gifts e.g. toiletries and sugar-free sweets as she was diabetic.

She kept cheerful in her little way, knowing that one day she would pass away. As time elapsed, she gradually deteriorated and died in my youngest sister’s arms.
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The time came for the funeral service to be held; it was a sad time for the many people who attended. We buried her and so she is gone but not forgotten. May she rest in peace and rise in glory. God bless.

Rice and Sweetcorn Omelette
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(Serves 4)
Ingredients:                 ½ oz of butter
4 spring onions (shredded)
1 red chilli (deseeded and finely sliced)
7 oz can of sweetcorn (drained)
7 oz of cooked long grain or basmati rice
Handful of fresh herbs
6 beaten eggs
3 tablespoons of grated parmesan cheese
salt and black pepper

Method:                       Heat the butter in a large frying pan and add the spring onions and
the chilli and fry for 2 minutes. Add the sweetcorn, rice and herbs and
stir to combine. Pour in the eggs, season well and cook for 2-3 minutes
until it is beginning to set. Sprinkle over the parmesan then place
under a hot grill until firm and golden. Turn out and into generous
wedges to serve.

Garlic and Caramelised Onion Bhajis               

Ingredients:                 2 tablespoons of olive oil
1 sliced onion
2 sliced garlic cloves
1 teaspoon of cumin seeds
2 tablespoons of chopped coriander
7 oz of chickpea flour
1 teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda
½ teaspoon of salt
8 fl oz of water

Method:                       Heat half the oil in a non-stick frying pan. Add the onion, garlic and
cumin and fry for 5-6 minutes until the onion is goldened and
softened. Stir in the coriander. Meanwhile, mix together the flour,
bicarbonate of soda, salt and water in a bowl and set aside for 10
minutes – then stir in the onion mixture. Heat a little of the remaining
oil in a frying pan, add spoonsful of the onion mixture, and fry for 2-3
minutes, turning halfway through cooking. Transfer to a serving plate
and keep warm while frying the rest of the mixture.

Sweet Potato Squash and Coconut Soup        

Ingredients:                 2 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks
1 large buttermilk squash peeled, deseeded and cut into chunks
1 onion cut into wedges
2 peeled garlic cloves
1 teaspoon of cumin seeds
2 tablespoons of olive oil
½ teaspoon of dried chilli flakes plus extra to garnish (optional)
1 ½ pints of gluten free vegetable stock
7 fl oz of coconut cream
1 teaspoon of garum masala
Salt and black pepper

Method:                       Put the sweet potatoes, squash, onion and garlic on a baking sheet.
Sprinkle over the cumin seeds and drizzle with oil. Place in a
preheated oven at 200 C (400 F) / gas mark 6 and roast for 25-30
minutes until tender and golden. Tip the roasted vegetables into a
large saucepan with the chilli flakes and stock. Bring to the boil and
simmer for 10 minutes. Stir in the remaining ingredients and heat
through until piping hot and then puree in a food processor or
blender until smooth. Serve garnished with a pinch of chilli flakes if
desired and with toasted gluten free bread.

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 by Pearl Wise (Kate Cullen)

I’m knittin’ a jumper in red, white ‘n’ blue.
An’ oo is it for? I’ll give yer a clue.
It’s all fer that weddin’ of ‘arry an’ Meg.
It’s better than owt they could buy off the peg.

I’ll do one fer ‘im and I’ll do one fer ‘er.
Together at th’alter they’ll mek a grand pair.
I’ll do one fer t’grandma an’ one fer old Pip.
They’re knocking on now, so I’d better knit quick!

‘e’ll ‘ave a chunky an’ she’ll ‘ave some sparkle.
Can’t do with ‘er bein’ outshone bi Miss Markel!
I’ll knit one an’ purl two an’ pass slip stitch ovva.
I’ll cable ‘n’ treble. I’ll go to some bovva.

They’ll set a new fashion in weddin’ attire
They’ll be patriotic ‘n’folks ‘ll admire
This trendy young couple in colourful gear.
(I’d best do some littl’ uns fer this time next year!)

So ‘ere I’m sat knittin’ an’ purlin’ away.
“My god, that looks borin’! ”some doubters  ‘ll  say.
But they ‘aven’t a clue where mi thoughts often travel
When mi wool an’ mi pattern begins to unravel.

So yer see why I’m ‘ere, just knittin’ away
Wi’ two pins an’ wool
It’s fer t’grand Weddin’ Day!

Dear Editor

Having listened to people being ‘over the moon’, putting ‘110 %’ effort into something, and told ‘to have a nice day, the one I really dislike is ‘enjoy’ at every restaurant – not enjoy your meal, just ‘enjoy’. ‘Oh my God’ maybe I should ‘get a life’.

Mary Bone, Colchester

Dear Editor

I enjoy your magazine as it’s not too highbrow and there’s a good cross section of people talking about their different vocation. There does however, seem to be a tendency towards religion which is fine but it would be nice to hear the views of an atheist – we don’t all believe in fairy stories.

David Ward, Sheffield

Dear Editor

On a recent visit to Halifax, in West Yorkshire, my wife and I got off the train, passed the taxis, crossed the road, and about 200 yards up the hill on the right was the Piece Hall which had recently been brought up to date. What a brilliant job they have done; the jewel of Halifax’s crown – what a wonderful face lift removing the cobbles but moving the splendour of a bygone era in to the 21st century.

Jane Walsh, Leeds

Dear Editor

I want to complain that the majority of MPs are from privileged backgrounds with many of them being educated at Eton. How on earth does this reflect the mixed baggage which makes up British society?
I also want to agree with a past contributor who stated that he thought MPs should not be able to have a second job as this definitely affects their ability to be objective.

All in all, I think Britain is a corrupt place and is certainly not geared for the well-being of everyone.

George Miles, London

Dear Editor 

Can anyone tell me why there are speed limits to protect us which are apparently not monitored?
Where I live in Halifax, West Yorkshire, there is a 20-mph speed limit locally, yet on a daily basis, I see people travelling far in excess of this speed.

Why don’t the authorities do something about the situation?
​
Carol Brown, Halifax

Written by Michael Blackburn

Home Security
The first important rule is NEVER leave your doors unlocked even for a second. The ESC’s come in two groups the ‘sneak thief’ and the ‘cat burglar’. The ‘sneak thief’ will go around trying doors. It is almost certain that he will find one in ten open. He will be in and out in less than five seconds grabbing whatever he sees – purses, handbags car keys etc. The problems caused by loss of bank cards and keys are awful and much time is wasted in replacing them.

The ‘cat burglar’ looks for open windows. He may have done a recce to find out when it is likely that the house will be empty. He will squeeze through small gaps and will have time to relieve you of your possessions. That is when you are likely the find you precious ‘lap top’ missing. When you are out close all windows even those upstairs. These thieves will stop at nothing.

Why do people leave their car keys on the hall table? Do they really want to make it so easy for the ESC’s to steal the keys and the car? It doesn’t make any sense but the vast majority of car owners do it. The safest place for the keys is in your pocket.

Burglar Alarm type systems do not need to be expensive and can be obtained from just over £50. Light bulbs which turn on when it is dark are not expensive. They make your house looked ‘lived-in’ when you are away.

Buy a ‘Visible in Ultra – Violet Light Pen’ (£1.25) and mark your valuables not forgetting any garden tools or ornaments. If anything is stolen there is a chance that it may be discovered.

Contact your local Policing Team (phone number in Directory) to ask for advice on ‘No Callers’ notices to put on your door.

Ladies, when you buy a handbag make sure the strap is long enough to go over your head and not just over your shoulder. The bag snatcher finds it much more difficult to steal a bag which is over your head but easy if it is only over your shoulder.

A group of men were talking and discussing expensive watches. One of them mentioned Rolex at which one of the men said “I have one” and showed it on his wrist. – A nice easy one for the ESC. If that man is seen unaccompanied he will be accosted and the watch snatched.

On another occasion men were discussing Lalique Glass Bowls when one of them said “I have a collection at home”. ‘Gold Dust’ for ‘ESC’s’. Find out where the man lives and relieve him of his treasured glass bowls.

If you have something expensive; enjoy it but do not advertise it!
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For those who are on medication; make a note of all the pills you take plus any allergies you have and keep it with you in your purse or wallet. If you have an accident and are taken to hospital the information will help the medics to speed up whatever treatment is necessary without having to contact your surgery.

Written by Peter Storey
Who are THEY? We hear of them all the time – “THEY say it’s going to rain” – “THEY say the road is blocked” – “THEY say there’s a fuel shortage” – “THEY say the latest film is rubbish” – “THEY say he beats his wife” – “Don’t believe what THEY say”.
​
To become a THEY do what my brother in law and I did some thirty plus years ago. It was a busy Christmas Eve and shoppers were busy rushing around. We whispered to each other, loud enough for passer’s by to hear, “Have you heard there’s a bread shortage”. We could see the shock on the face of the passers-by. We kept this going for quite a while and eventually word would have got around “THEY say there’s going to be a bread shortage”. We had become THEY! It was very naughty and we should have known better but we were certain the sale of bread would have increased dramatically. We hoped that after Christmas the excess bread would have been made into bread and butter pudding with raisins, sultanas and treacle or honey – but “THEY say that such a pudding is fattening!” The THEYS of this world have a lot to answer for.

Songs:

Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Green Day. Being a lone worker and also being stranded alone on a desert island. The lyrics of “My shadows the only one that stands beside me” are quite appropriate.

Twist and Shout – The Beatles – A song to get me out of a miserable time. Can’t help but sing along to this tune and feel happy again. From one of my favourite films ‘Ferris Buellers Day Off’.

Under the Boardwalk – Bruce Willis – On a lovely sunny day and relaxing I put this one and sing along. Brings back memories of my teens and basically chilling out.

Truly Madly Deeply – Savage Garden. This was mine and Michelle’s wedding song and brings back memories of the best day of my life. (Not forgetting the births of my two fantastic sons Ethan & Elis.

Kokomo – The Beach Boys. Again, another relaxing feel good song taken from the film “Cocktail”.

When Glory Shone around – The Landlubbers. Brings back memories of Halifax Towns only Wembley visit and FA Trophy victory and also my youngest son was a mascot for the game. Happy times.

November Rain – Guns & Roses. This is a song that reminds me of the saddest day of my life when I lost my cousin and best friend tragically. We were inseparable and spent 17 great years together which will never be forgotten. The solo guitar by Slash is iconic and always sends a shiver down my spine.

Smell like teen spirit – Nirvana – I was due to see Nirvana live the day after Kurt Cobain passed away. They were the ‘in’ band during my teen years.

Book – I guess ‘Of Mice and Men’ by John Steinbeck. This was the first book I ever really got into reading.

Luxury Item – Swiss champ army knife. I would take this for its many features, I could use it to hunt, start fire, make tools and help make a cool shelter for my man cave.

Written by Sally Tordoff

It is thought to be 200,000 years since Homo Sapiens (that’s you and me) first emerged as a species yet anthropologists suggest that it is only 9,000 years ago that they first gained an understanding of days and years. The growth may have been very slow but eventually the need to organise their lives will have led them to the very earliest way of determining the time of day. It was simply a stick in the ground. By watching the shadow cast by the stick, it would be possible to determine the time.

Eventually ancient man needed to know both the time and the seasons. For those he needed a clock and a calendar. It is interesting to learn that archaeologists discovered that no universal method was adopted but that each region developed their own way of dealing with the problem.

Ancient Egyptians had accepted a daily cycle of dividing the day into twenty-four hours: twelve hours of the day and twelve of night. Much was done according to the cycles of the moon and the movement of stars across the night sky.

By rudimentary means, and over many thousands of years, ‘the stick in the ground’ was eventually developed into the Sun Dial which we know today. The first attempt of a clock was on the similar principle as an egg-timer. The upper part was made of a very large glass globe which was filled with water. As the water trickled through a small hole the ‘time’ could be measured by markings on the side of the bowl. This remained accurate until it was about a quarter full. At that point the pressure of the water was insufficient to maintain the flow so the ‘clock’ slowed down.
​
Mechanical clocks followed. One of the early ones was a platform containing a ball bearing. The platform was inclined which made the ball bearing roll to end of the incline. When it got there, it triggered a switch which changed the incline so the ball bearing went in the opposite direction when it then triggered another switch and so on and so on! This might seem like ‘perpetual motion’ but it isn’t because eventually the spring would break! Time could be measured by the length of time the ball bearing took to traverse the incline. But there was a problem because the ball and the incline would become covered with dust which slowed the ‘clock’ down!

Over the following years, many ingenious clocks were invented but they all suffered from the same problem – they were made of metal which was affected by the rise and fall in temperature which made them inaccurate. This was especially the case with the pendulum clock which was invented in 1650 by Christiaan Huygens. Whether the pendulum was made of metal or wood it would expand with the change in temperature which would seriously affect its accuracy. The answer to this problem was overcome in 1721 by George Graham who realised that mercury was not affected by temperature. Using mercury in the pendulum was the answer.
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The need to know when to plan their agricultural seasons led to the necessity of a calendar and by 2450 B.C. the Egyptians had developed a calendar composed of twelve months of thirty days each (360 days). Whilst not completely correct it shows an amazing understanding of the earth’s journey around the sun. Their calculations were dependent on the phases of the moon and on stars in the night sky especially the star we know as Sirius. As an actual year is 365.25 days it is assumed that Egyptians had to adjust their calendar as we do today by adding an extra day, every four years.

Other civilisations had their own method of developing their calendars. One type was the Horizon Calendar which monitored the sunrise on successive days against different landmarks. Shifting latitudes, the variations in the length of the day and position of the sunrise or sunset on the horizon would differ, and these factors would influence a calendar’s development. So, countries at different latitudes developed their own calendars.

The calendar which we use today was developed by Aloysius Lilius (1510–1576). He was a mathematician and astronomer. He presented his findings to Pope Gregory XIII who commissioned the use of Lilius’ work. Thus, the calendar is known as the Gregorian Calendar which is used by nearly every country in the world except for Afghanistan and Iran who use the Solar Hijri Calendar and Ethiopia who use their own Ethiopian Calendar.

Prior to the use of the Gregorian Calendar the Julian Calendar was in use (named after Julia Caesar – 46 B.C.) but this system miscalculated the solar year by 11 minutes so it fell out of sync with the seasons.

In contrast the Gregorian calendar uses the leap year making it much more accurate. However, it not perfect and compared to the tropical year it is 27 seconds too long. So, it is inaccurate by 1 day every 3,236 years!
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As a final comment I have just received a catalogue which advertises a watch which claims it is ‘accurate to one second in 138,000 000 years’. That should just about see me out!
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Ref Wikipedia.

,Caroline, can you tell me a bit about yourself? I’m 47. I am the mother of two girls aged 19 and 17. I’ve lived in Hebden Bridge since I was three years old. In the past (when I was about 22) I travelled and worked around Europe picking fruit and making artisan clothes.

What do you do now? I work in the kitchen at the Town Hall Café in Hebden Bridge. I’ve always worked close to here in surrounding places like Todmorden and Halifax.

Have you always worked in catering? Yes, mainly, other than being a post lady but I didn’t enjoy the early starts, so I decided to stick with catering because I love food and enjoy working with food.

I know you (Dean) from Dean Clough in Halifax; I met you when I was working at the Viaduct Cafe at Dean Clough for Jeremy Hall; I loved working there doing events like broadside theatre and also comedy nights as well as working in the cafe, doing buffets for up to 200 or so people – it was such a varied role but after several years it was taken over by the Cooking School at Dean Clough.

It’s was then I decided to train as a chef and after 2 years I qualified. It wasn’t easy for me being a vegetarian as I had to be trained to spatchcock chickens, I cried all the way through it and had to retake that part but did qualify. I decided it was time for new pastures when I saw a job for the National Trust close to home, for a catering manager, as this role and charity has always been of interest to me.

Anyway, I took a job at Hardcastle Craggs for the National Trust. This job was covering maternity leave and lasted a year. However, it was a very useful experience as it allowed me to develop more managerial skills as a catering manager.

When I finished at Hardcastle Craggs, they asked me to go and work at East Riddlesden Hall. After working there for a year, I was nominated for a North Star Award for turning the tea room into a profitable tea room.

How long were you employed in this job? For three years. Then I saw an interesting job in Todmorden. I am interested in vegan food. I have always been a vegetarian but I am becoming more aware of mass producing dairy farming.

My first memories were not wanting to eat meat, but I was forced to eat it at home and told that I was a strange, weird child because I didn’t want to eat it. But I did learn to cook nice food without meat.

I have just completed a month of being a vegan but I find it challenging, simply because of time and catering for the needs of a family – it’s a completely new routine. I need to try to be healthy as I suffered a heart-attack in 2015.

What happened? I went to bed after a busy day and started to have chest pains. I thought I had indigestion but woke up in pain sweating and with all the colour drained from my face. Initially, my partner told me to go back to sleep but I was roasting and so went to lie on the bathroom floor where it was cold.

Were you frightened? No because I didn’t know what was happening and just thought it was indigestion. I felt sick and thought I was ill but didn’t think it was a heart-attack.

Then my partner Mark rang 101 as he could see that all the colour had left me. About three o’clock in the morning, an ambulance man came who was ironically a friend of Mark’s family. He told me I was having a mild heart-attack. Consequently, I went to Leeds General Infirmary with lights flashing and was told I would wake up in Halifax, with a stent attached, the next morning.

When I woke up, I discovered I was still in Leeds and had been in an induced coma as I had crashed. I learnt that I had had an allergic reaction to the dye they put in me, and had been brought back from death by ten electric shocks to my chest – I can only remember telling the staff who were looking after me, to stop hurting me with the shocks as they were so painful.

When you were dead, can you remember anything about it? No, I only remember saying “stop it”.

How long were you in hospital? A few days and I was black and blue.

What do you think caused your mild heart-attack? I used to smoke twenty to thirty cigarettes a day, I also drank wine too, but my family have a history of high blood pressure.  However, I have stopped smoking (and put on a lot of weight) and this year have decided to become more physically active – doing more walking and spinning.

What are your interests away from work? Baking, cooking, and socialising. I also like to be out and about, in nature walking.

Did your experience in hospital make you more aware of your mortality? No. I’ve always been aware of that. I’m not afraid of dying. I think when your time’s up, your time’s up.

Do you think death is the end? No, I think you live on through your children. I don’t believe in spirits or ghosts as I’ve no experience of them. I don’t believe in God or the Devil and I think when you are put on this Earth, you have a role to play which involves reproduction and you live on through your family.

I also think we are all responsible for looking after the world and that more could be done if people really understood that one person can make a difference.

What are your personal hopes for the future? I hope to become a vegan but I haven’t quite mastered it yet – more and more plant base products are becoming more accessible. I would also like to learn meditation and I would like to finish off my house one day so that I can sell it in the future, and maybe have my own café which hopefully will be a place for everybody.
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Where will your business be located? It depends where the need is. Probably not in Hebden Bridge because of flood considerations and because there are already many cafes in the area.

Written by Sally Tordoff

They don’t mix well. Here on earth we regard ‘time’ as being constant, unchangeable. We set our clocks and watches by ‘time’ and assume that the same exists everywhere. It doesn’t.

In space, time is ‘warped’ (lengthened) by gravity. Here’s how it works. A light ‘time’ coming towards the earth from a distant star travels to us in a straight line until it passes a galaxy. The galaxy draws ‘time’ away from its straight course and so lengthens ‘times’ journey towards us. Eventually ‘time’ returns on its way towards us. But it may pass many more galaxies on its journey and every time it gets ‘warped’ from its path (so in space time is not constant).

So, by the ‘time’ it reaches us it will have slowed down. The ‘time’ it takes to reach us which is why ‘space travellers’ return to earth younger than those who have not left earth’s gravity.

A mystery is that neither Newton nor Einstein nor Hawking can explain gravity. If gravity follows the rules then why do we have two tides a day on our shores on opposite sides of the earth? If the sun controls the passage of the earth in its orbit then why doesn’t the moon also orbit the sun rather than orbiting the earth? The same goes for all the other moons in the Solar System.

When Newton devised his explanation of gravity he invented ‘calculus’ which my dictionary tells me is ‘a branch of mathematics dealing with infinitesimal changes to a variable number or quantity’! When Einstein devised his explanation of gravity he invented a branch of mathematics dealing with ‘tensors’. An explanation tells as that ‘tensors are a mathematical construction that “eats” a bunch of vectors, and “spits out” a saclar. So now we know!

Gravity is certainly not understood and the best thing we can do is keep our feet firmly on the ground which due to gravity is easy for us to do!

Written by Michael Blackburn
Since the commencement of the Abortion Act on the 28th April 1968, 8,000,000 (eight million) potential citizens have been killed. That is a population the size of London. Some of them would have become doctors, surgeons, nurses, midwives, teachers, engineers, good politicians. It is any wonder that we are now in short supply of those vocations and skills?

Questions:

(1)   What is Moussaka?
(2)   Where do Queens Park Rangers F.C. play their home games?
(3)   Who played James Bond in Octupussy?
(4)   Who played James Herriot’s first wife in ‘All Creatures Great and Small’?
(5)   What is the capital of Croatia?
(6)   Who was the famous Beatles’ drummer?
(7)   Which famous English group were Godley and Crème once part of?
(8)   Who wrote ‘War and Peace’?
(9)   Which county does St. Helens RLFC come from?
(10) Where is Papua New Guinea situated?
(11) What nationality was Ghandi?
(12) Which sport did Bradd Fittler excel in?
(13) What is the biggest snake in the world?
(14) What is a ‘biftek’?
(15) Which national football team did David Seamen represent?
(16) What is the capital of Wales?
(17) What is the official currency of Japan?
(18) In which state is Orlando?
(19) What is the official currency of Poland?
(20) What is the biggest bird in the world?

Answers:
(1) A Greek dish of minced lamb, aubergines, tomatoes with a cheese sauce (2) Loftus Road (3) Roger Moore (4) Carol Drinkwater (5) Zagreb (6) Ringo Starr (7) 10CC (8) Leo Tolstoy (9) Lancashire (10) in the continent of Oceania and Australia (11) Indian (12) Rugby League (13) Giant Anaconda (14) steak (15) England (16) Cardiff (17) Japanese yen (18) Florida (19) zloty (20) emu

Editor’s final word: Thank you for taking the trouble to read this magazine. We would welcome any suggestions of how we could improve it and would also like it if you would consider contributing something to it at: deancharltonmag@gmail.com

Goodbye until next month, Dean.