Hello! Another month has elapsed. I hope things have not been too difficult for you.

On Monday 1st of September 2025, we have an action-packed day of publishing Edition 129 of From The Horse’s Mouth, and we are revealing our new re-vamped website, which we hope you will like.

In addition, I am celebrating the completion and launch of my new book, ‘Warts and Almost All’, which is available to purchase as a digital download on the website here.

‘Warts and Almost All’ documents my struggle with mental health problems and other health conditions, in the hope of educating people about such issues – or maybe just touching base with fellow sufferers.

Please also note that our Summer Photography Competition closure date has been extended to Tuesday the 30th of September due to people requesting more time to enter. You can find more information about this on the Summer Photography Competition page.

Anyone can contribute to this e-magazine and you can send things (not racist/homophobic or sexist in nature) to dean@fthm.org.uk or use the contact form on the Contact page.

Best wishes,

Dean Charlton

MY NOT VERY SERIOUS STARS

Scorpio 24 Oct – 22 Nov
A beautiful but shallow woman will catch your eye today; are you just looking for a trophy girl or do you want something deeper? Your creative energy is high so capitalise on it and invest time and effort to create a database of ideas for the future. Someone who is clearly on drugs will approach you soon; remember what you can be like full of alcohol?

Sagittarius 23 Nov – 21 Dec
This week, make a big effort to be less judgemental and more open-minded as you are far from perfect yourself. Someone much younger may need some financial help this month so offer a helping hand without expecting a reward. It’s time you stopped thinking about death and lived like there’s no tomorrow, that way you’ll have no regrets. Consider visiting Turkey.

Capricorn 22 Dec – 20 Jan
A young person may give you the green light but proceed with caution; it could be a car crash waiting to happen. You’ve been extremely selfish in the past so try and change your ways, even though you probably won’t be punished at the end of your life. An Eastern European barista will offer to put more than chocolate on your cappuccino; how will you react? Dance.

Aquarius 21 Jan – 19 Feb
A thick-skinned acquaintance will astonish you with the effort they make to be liked and popular – but can they help it? You may have been single for most of your life; if so, love will come to you later in life. A big decision is to be made, but don’t cut off your nose to spite your already ugly face. You haven’t a flashy car, but you have managed to travel far enough.

Pisces 20 Feb – 20 Mar
You may now be the flavour of the month with the opposite sex, but do you remember when they viewed you with distaste? Take things with a pinch of salt. You do seem to feel the need to analyse everything while the clock ticks on; start enjoying the good things in life and don’t focus on nonsense. Watch your sugar intake as diabetes is the last thing you need. Laugh.

Aries 21 Mar – 20 Apr
It is pointless just blushing when they enter the room; you need to nail your colours to your mast, float over to them and tell them you find them attractive. What have you got to lose? You may have upset someone when you were angry, so apologise once you have cooled down, or you may lose a good friend. Don’t let a flawed person walk all over you. Chill out.

Taurus 21 Apr – 21 May
You have been chipping away to gradually change someone’s selfish ways, but soon you will realise that you are wasting your time and have bigger fish to fry. Consider giving a sociable chimpanzee a home, so that it can help you with the boring chores. Someone who obviously bought their suit in a charity shop will change your life with some words of wisdom. Listen.

Gemini 22 May – 21 Jun
This week, you may fall in love with a married person, but do be careful as their partner was once a junior shadow boxing champion. You seem to be extremely critical of others; what you fail to realise is that we are all doing our best to cope with this life. A window cleaner you know may reflect on his own life and talk to you about making life-changing decisions.

Cancer 22 Jun – 23 Jul
Love may come when you least expect it in the form of a person who has lots of warts everywhere but a heart of gold. It is a good time to be a dancing skeleton and enjoy yourself before the reaper comes along. Money has recently been a problem for you, but financial change is near and you will experience many blue skies in the near future. Consume less.

Leo 24 Jul – 23 Aug
A woman with butterflies on her dress will make your heart flutter when she smiles at you tomorrow. Someone close to you may seem to be very jealous of you, but do you remember when you had to walk everywhere as you had no bus fare? It is time to cut yourself some slack and cherish yourself more. Think about buying a new hat if there’s a wedding.

Virgo 24 Aug – 23 Sep
A youngster who is clearly jailbait will try to capture your attention, but keep on walking and use your head. You have been working very hard in one direction, so don’t be persuaded to swerve as success is not far away. Spend less time on your phone and reconnect with your environment if you want to meet new people. Wake up and smell the decaf coffee.

Libra 24 Sep – 23 Oct
Nobody really knows what happens when you die, but now is the time to concentrate on the here and now. Everything will be fine. You are quite good looking, but you will need to develop more of a personality if you are to get where you want to be. Buy a musical instrument and try to write your own songs instead of just listening to others’ compositions.

JUNE’S WORLD

Hello, everyone. I hope you are all in good health. It’s a month since I wrote my last article, so I’ll try to think of some interesting things to write about this time!

When I was at nursery school (I’d have been around 4-5 years of age), every day at 1 o’clock we’d be put in little beds to sleep or just relax; I don’t know if that still happens at nursery school. I used to get restless and want to get up out of bed, but the teacher instructed me to rest. One time, I remember thinking that I wanted to go home, so I got out of my bed and headed for the door. The teacher was at the back of me. I managed to get out of the door and ran all the way down Three Lane Ends with the teacher in hot pursuit. I finally reached home, and just as I was going through the door, my mam asked me what I was doing coming all this way on my own. The teacher told her what had happened, and my mam told me to never do that again. Looking back, I was probably too young to understand what was said. I don’t think I ever did it again, though.

When I left Three Lane End’s nursery school, I was old enough to attend the Potteries School. It was just yards from our home, which I liked as I could get there quickly. Studying subjects like English made me think more. It wasn’t until I got to the bigger school that I realised that I needed to concentrate more if I wanted to get on in life. What held me back was having to fetch my dad’s tablets from the chemist. My dad got violent headaches, so he needed his medication. I felt embarrassed turning up late for school. It all came to a head when the headteacher visited him and told him that I must stop getting the tablets for him. After that, I started to attend school regularly and was better able to concentrate on my lessons.

I was dreading my school report coming as I thought that I wouldn’t achieve good marks, but I was pleasantly surprised that I had done well in English. I excelled at Domestic Science, especially cookery, which is not surprising when you consider the amount I did of it with my grandad and grandma – when she was at home. My grandma’s second family lived at Stockton-on-Tees where she was from, so she went to visit them.

When I got to high school, the standard of learning was so different to what I had experienced previously. Mr Fletcher was the headmaster, and he was very strict but fair. If he thought you were trying hard, he’d help. However, anyone who didn’t listen received the cane; and when the boys and girls in the mixed class were acting silly and showing off, they got the cane. There was also another teacher as bad as Mr Fletcher called Miss Brice.

However, I suppose their strictness led to people achieving better results. I was a timid girl growing up, so I tried to do everything right. My first report said that I could do better, so I started to ignore what was going on around me and concentrated more which eventually paid off.

I loved playing hopscotch where you have to hop from one square to another; the player who didn’t touch the line between the squares won the game. I liked playing rounders, which is a game similar to cricket, but my favourite game was netball. Another activity I liked was group jumping rope, where two people swung the rope and a few people all jumped over the rope.

When I was around 12 or 13, I joined the girl guides. For the first week, I just watched what they did, and I enjoyed it. Miss Limbert, who taught the girl guides, offered me a trial which I passed. I was then told I had to wear a girl guide uniform; this excited me. I told my mam who said she would try to raise the money to buy one. By the time the uniform arrived, she had almost all the money together; Miss Limbert helped with the rest.

It was a good experience being a guide as I went all over with them to places like Ledston and Ledsham. We all had duties to do, similar to being in the army. For example, we had to make sure the tent was immaculate, and our shoes were polished until you could see your face in them. They were then lined up on shoe racks. We had to earn badges by performing tasks like sign writing in the woods so other guides knew where we were and how to find us. I was in the guides for almost 3 years and only left to go to work when I was 15.

As I’ve told you before, I went to work in a sweet factory in Castleford to earn some money and to help my lovely mam. Miss Limbert was sorry to see me go, but she wished me well for the future. Looking back, it was a great experience.

Well, that’s it for now. Love, June X

INTERVIEW WITH KIM LAWRENCE ABOUT HER WORK AND TRAVEL

Right then Kim, can you tell me a bit about yourself?
What is there to say? I’m 36. I’m from Bradford and I now live in Halifax. I work for Costa Café, Woolshops, in Halifax, where I am the store manager.

Why do you work for Costa and not another café brand?
I like everything that Costa stands for – they are the UK’s favourite coffee shop. They really are a staple of the UK community. Costa is everywhere in the UK. We are now owned by Coca-Cola which means we are international. We’re in a lot of airports; we are in a lot of the big cities and a lot of the tourist places. We are in Israel, Spain and Greece. We are all over the world!

Have you worked in any other stores apart from Halifax store in the Woolshops?
I’ve worked in Brighouse store, Tesco store at King Cross Halifax, Bradford, Thornberry. I’ve worked in Forster Square in Bradford and two of the Costas in the White Rose Centre.

Did you start at the bottom in the organisation?
No, I came in as store manager 3 years ago. I’ve covered at various staff levels as needed someone.

Is it correct that you particularly like travelling?
Yes. It’s my favourite thing to do in life.

What sort of places have you been to?
I’ve been to a lot of places! I’ve been to Amsterdam thirteen times, for example.

Why?
Have you ever been?! It’s brilliant, it’s got everything: culture, tradition, history, good shopping, clubbing, food, art stuff, artists, architecture.

Is it an expensive place to visit?
It didn’t use to be, but it’s now quite expensive.

Where else have you been?
I’ve been all over the Caribbean but not St Kitts and Nevis where Brenda comes from!

What is your favourite place in the Caribbean to visit?
Always Jamaica.

Was it scary in Jamaica?
No not at all.

What’s the country like to someone who’s never been there?
Hot! It’s an ex-British colony and became independent in 1962. There’s a lot of British influence still there and the language is patois – broken English.

Can you understand this?
Yes. If people speak slowly, then English people can understand it.

Are any of your family Jamaican?
Yes. My father is Jamaican. I think this fact has definitely influenced my view of the world. For example, I have connected with Jamaica in more of a special way.

Where else have you been in the Caribbean?
I’ve been to Cuba. Cuba was a lot poorer than I thought it was, the infrastructure is very limited. I was shocked by this fact as I thought it would be wealthier than it was. The people and food are nice though. The rum is nice and the terrain is very interesting.

Where else have you been on your travels?
I’ve been to the Dominican Republic twice. It’s very luxurious, everything’s really nice and they get all the imports there. There’s not as much culture as compared to the other islands but the food is really nice.

Are all the people there really financially well-off?
No. They depend a lot on tourism.

Where else have been to?
Miami. There, I went to the beach, out for food. I went with one of my friends and we had a really good time. We visited Little Havana with its Spanish influence. It was a really nice experience. It’s very expensive in Miami.

Anywhere else?
I’ve been to Vegas as my brother took me for my 30th birthday present.

Did you gamble?
A little bit. You can’t go to Vegas and not gamble! Vegas is fantastic as I think it has everything like nightclubs; we went to see the show Cirque du Soleil (I also saw this when I was in Mexico). We also visited the Grand Canyon.

Do you have to pay anything when you visit the Grand Canyon?
Yes. Because it’s in a national park.

Why do you think it’s a good idea for people to travel?
To learn more about the world; it’s good to explore and learn about what’s going on, although, if you want to stay in your own area that’s okay too.

Would you embark on space travel?
No. I would not! I actually believe that humans have never put a foot on the moon.

Have you ever regretted all the money you have spent on travel over the years?
No. You can’t take money with you, so, you may as well lead the best and most interesting life possible.

Have you any big hopes for the future?
I really want to go to Cambodia because it’s such a beautiful and amazing place with all its ancient temples.

Would you like to get married abroad?
No. I want it to be easy for my family and friends to attend the wedding. I would really like to go on safari for my honeymoon in Kenya or Tanzania. I’d really like to do safari.

Is all this travel bad for the environment?
Of course it’s bad for the environment. A lot of stuff we do is bad for the environment. You’re drinking out of a plastic bottle, that is bad for the environment. Lots of things we as humans do are bad for the environment. But I always travel on commercial planes and try to recycle where I can etc.

BOOK REVIEW BY S. BEE

Annabel and Her Sisters by Catherine Alliott

Catherine Alliott is one of my favourite novelists; I follow her Facebook page, but I only discovered that she had a new book out when I spotted a brief review of it in a weekly woman’s magazine. So far, there’s been no mention of this new book on her Facebook page or on her website; both are run by her publishers, Penguin Random House.

It’s strange as her last novel in 2023 had a big build up to it. Her loyal readers had that lovely feeling of anticipation! For some reason, this novel has launched straight to small paperback format.

It’s about (yes, you’ve guessed it) Annabel and her two sisters. Written in first person, the main character, Annabel, is a fifty-something widow and a mum of two adult children who still live at home. The book explores family life, dealing with dating after a bereavement and coping with an aged parent, in this case, a passive, people-pleasing mother and her seven dogs.

The disappointing aspect here is that it seems Catherine has decided to base Annabel on herself:

She worked in advertising, writing copy, and was then fired – check.

She’s the author of 18 successful novels – check.

She had a husband who was a barrister – check. (I think Catherine’s husband is a barrister).

Has the author run out of ideas?!

As for the story itself, it’s not one of her best. I started the novel eagerly, but halfway through I was so bogged down with all the names and characters, my mind whirled! The main plot delves into her mother’s back story. Annabel goes to her mum’s best friend, Pammy: an extroverted, baseball hat-wearing chain-smoker who reveals all. Personally, I feel that Annabel should have approached her mum, Leonora, because it’s her story to tell, not Pammy’s. I didn’t warm to Leonora’s character. She seemed distant and difficult, hiding her emotions with people, yet openly adoring her dogs, and won’t face reality. No proper home of her own with seven dogs to house is absurd!

Later, there’s a heavy dollop of religion in the story, which I felt was unnecessary. Would Alliott’s readers (probably women over 40, like me) really feel gripped by this aspect? I certainly wasn’t. The details were tedious and it felt over the top.
Annabel dates two guys. Fella 1 is a builder. Instead of who he is, Fella 2 could have been a professional, divorced, younger man who had previously married on a whim. How about this: he adores Annabel, yet she has doubts about committing to co-habiting because she thinks he wants kids. Then, his ex turns up who does want kids. That would pose two dramatic dilemmas for Annabel to deal with.

Or what if she falls for a clever, handsome con artist, and she only sees the light at the very last minute? Annabel is an attractive, single, well-known and financially secure author. She’s also from an affluent background, so she could very easily be targeted. The plot would work, especially if she wants to keep her private life secret from her kids. Almost being fooled in a romance scam is also relevant to today’s society, and many people would be able to relate to it.

However, my theory about Annabel’s Mr Right proved to be correct. So, no surprises there, then! The final chapters raced through to an ‘all is well’ ending. It’s an engaging read, but there’s just too many characters. As I say, it’s not one of her best stories.

WENDY’S WORLD OF RYHME

One afternoon in March my hubby said to me.
This house has got too big for us I hope that you agree.
I think it’s time to downsize it is really time to go.
So, shall we move away and buy a bungalow?
So, our lovely home was valued the For Sale sign soon appeared.
And I have to admit I shed some private tears.
So, then the viewings started and we found a perfect bungalow.
We had strangers walking around our home – some just being nosey some didn’t even show.
Finally, it happened our family home is sold.
Time to make new memories but we won’t forget the old.
We had lots of family parties and watched our children growing up.
Shared both sad and happy times some bad and good luck.
We welcomed in our Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren too.
Son-in-law and daughter-in-law through our door our family have come through.
So, my ornaments are packed away photos taken from the walls
everything is boxed up now the large ones and the small.
All our family treasures are packed and ready to go.
So, all we are waiting for is a moving date for our little bungalow.

GRAHAM TOWNSEND’S MONTHLY QUIZ

Questions

(1) Which 1968 film featured Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon in the roles of Oscar Maddison and Felix Ungar, two divorcees who decide to live together?
(2) Which tennis player won her first Wimbledon ladies singles title in July 2025?
(3) ByteDance are the parent company of which social media and video-sharing platform?
(4) Which English singer-songwriter has released the album Idols in 2025?
(5) Bibliosmia is the love of the smell of what?
(6) Who played Agent J in the 1997 film Men in Black?
(7) What is the English translation of the French term “pret-a-porter”?
(8) In what year was Donald Trump born?
(9) What is the capital of Kazakhstan?
(10) The Mendel-Mantoux test screens for what disease?
(11) Which MI5 officer’s 1987 autobiography was called Spycatcher?
(12) What name is given to a fifteenth wedding anniversary?
(13) Which French landscape artist painted an 1890’s series called The Card Players?
(14) Which iconic professional wrestler passed away on 24th July 2025?
(15) What is the currency of Malawi?
(16) In the Old Testament, who was the twin brother of Esau and son of Isaac and Rebekah?
(17) What is the main ingredient of the Irish boxty bread?
(18) Curt Smith and Roland Orzabal are best known for performing as which British band?
(19) In the US education system, what does MSU generally relate to?
(20) Who is Simba’s father in The Lion King?

Answers

(1) The Odd Couple (2) Iga Swiatek (3) TikTok (4) Yungblud (5) Old Books (6) Will Smith (7) Ready-to-wear (8) 1946 (9) Astana (10) Tuberculosis (11) Peter Wright (12) Crystal (13) Paul Cezanne (14) Hulk Hogan/Terry Bollea (15) Malawian Kwacha (16) Jacob (17) Potato (18) Tears for Fears (19) Michigan State University (20) Mufasa

ALICE’S THING OF THE MONTH

Written by Alice Kaur

Hello and welcome back to Alice’s Thing of The Month. This month we are going to be talking about Druids Temple.

A few weeks ago, I visited Druids Temple in Ripon, North Yorkshire with my brother. I’ve wanted to visit here for a long time since seeing photos of it in the past, it looked really interesting.

It took us an hour and a half to travel there by car, but it was worth it. We took the scenic route, and it was just lovely. The countryside is beautiful, and I am grateful to have such nice scenery on my doorstep.

When we arrived, we went to the Bivouac Cafe which is in the estate. It’s where you have to pay for parking, but you can also have a coffee or even book a room to stay the night. They even had cabins and yurts!

Once all that was sorted out, we got our cameras out of the car and headed on the walk up to the temple. When you get to the entrance, there is a map telling you where everything is located; the temple was in the middle. There was also an art installation, a bird-watching area and, at the end of the woods, a beautiful viewpoint looking down on a reservoir at the bottom of the hill surrounded by fields. We did a 2-mile walk, but there are much longer walks than what we did. You could spend most of your day exploring the woods.

The first thing we visited was the art installation as it led down to the temple afterwards. We were greeted by a beautiful, wooden, circular archway. After seeing this, I thought we would be able to spot more sculptures, but the only other artistic creations we saw on the walk were nests made by the same artist. They were made out of wood to look like birds’ nests. They were interesting, but I was expecting more from the installation. At the end of the trail was another one of the archways.

Then, we finally made it down to the Druids Temple. Here’s a small history about the place: it isn’t an actual druidic site, instead it is a 19th century Victorian folly inspired by stone circles like the Stonehenge. It was built by a wealthy landowner named William Danby. He built it to provide employment for the local people during a time of economic hardship, paying them a shilling a day to build it. There’s also a rumour that a hermit once lived there. It was a little disappointing to hear the history of it, but it’s still a great site to visit. We visited on a Saturday. I suggest going early in the morning. We were very lucky and had the place to ourselves for a while; it wasn’t until around lunch time that it started to get busy.

We then went to have a look inside; it had a spooky vibe about it. There was what looked to be a shrine in the middle that someone had come to set up. When we came back about an hour later, it had all disappeared, so this added to the spookiness. We found a spot up on a hill to get wonderful shots of the temple from above so we could get it all in frame.

My favourite part of the trip was when we walked around the woodland area; it was so peaceful. There were also other stone sculptures that had been built that we discovered on the walk. Also, observing the reservoir from the viewpoint was beautiful.

We also got to hear lots of birds, some which I have never heard before. I have an app called Merlin Bird App, and you can record birds on the app. It tells you what bird is making what noise. I really recommend it if you are into bird spotting!

Overall, the trip was very fun and I had a wonderful time.
Thanks for reading!

BRENDA’S WILDLIFE CORNER

Tortoise

The tortoise is an unusual but interesting reptile with a shell. In the event of being threatened by predators, its neck and head revert into its shell. Their size can vary according to species, with the Galapagos giant tortoise being more than 1.2 metres in length and the Speckled Cape tortoise being only 6.8 centimetres in length.

It has great longevity living up to 150 years of age. It’s slow, with an average walking speed of 0.2 – 0.5 km/h, and has a very small brain.

This reptile is usually an herbivore living on wild grasses, weeds, leafy greens and certain flowers, but some tortoises like to eat insects, worms and even birds. However, the consumption of too much protein can cause deformity of their shell.

It is found in many places in the world but not in Australasia. Usually, it lives in grasslands, deserts, wet evergreen forests and inhabits from sea level to mountains. There used to be many examples of larger tortoises on a variety of islands, but they were wiped out by humans. Today, there remain only two species of giant tortoise: Aldabra and the Galapagos tortoise.

Most species of tortoise lay small clutches of eggs at night, and then cover them with sand or soil. The eggs are then left alone to incubate for a period of 100-160 days. When the hatchlings emerge, they use an egg tooth to break the shell and live off an embryonic egg sac for the first 3-7 days of their existence. Some juveniles will have a different diet to adult tortoises.

The easiest way to determine the sex of a tortoise is to look at its tail; the females have smaller tails which are drooped down. Also, because of the composition of their bodies, visual and tactile communication is essential during combat and courtship.

Besides being kept as pets, the tortoise features extensively in human culture, and this is reflected in various religions. In Hinduism, Vishnu was half-man, half-tortoise, and in ancient Chinese society, their bones were used to make predictions. Moreover, early Christians perceived tortoises to be unclean!

So, to conclude, the tortoise is another wonderful example of the vast variety of creatures in our wonderful world. They deserve our respect, and must be conserved at all costs.

Ref Wikipedia

FIRST IMPRESSIONS COUNT!

Written by S. Bee

“What’s next on the list?” Maggie muttered to herself as she dashed around the house, duster in one hand, dishcloth in another. To greet the visitors, she really ought to have whipped up a homemade cake. A Victoria sponge or a melt in the mouth chocolate, oozing butter cream. That sweet, warm baking scent was wonderfully welcoming, but there just hadn’t been time.

A comforting coffee aroma will have to do instead, she thought. Maggie had thrown herself into ‘housework mode’ just under an hour ago. Out of the blue, the friendly local estate agent, Laura, had called her.

“Good news. I’ve an interested buyer, Maggie. A professional couple in their thirties. First-time buyers. They’ve looked online at the house, and they really like the photos.”

“Wow! That’s great!”

“They’re making very promising noises. Could the three of us possibly pop round sometime today?” Laura asked.

Today? Her pulse raced. Talk about short notice!

“Oh. Well -” she stuttered.

This first viewing was fabulous news, but the house was an absolute tip! Maggie’s heart sank. In the living room, a messy heap of magazines and newspapers on the coffee table needed throwing in the recycling bag and a pile of clean bedding needed putting away. The bathroom and kitchen needed a good scrub. Don’t estate agents say that kitchens and bathrooms are the most important? As for the teen’s bedrooms, there was a never-ending pile of clothes intended for the washing machine, but they hadn’t yet made it to their final destination. Plenty of empty crisp packets, phone chargers, laptops, hair straighteners, DVDs, make-up, books, cans of pop and chocolate wrappers littered the crumb-laden carpet.

Laura’s voice cut in. “I emailed you a basic property presentation checklist last week.”

“Yes, I received it, but I can’t possibly work my way through everything on that checklist in an hour,” she wailed. “The house needs a thorough clean and tidy.”

“Look, just forget about a deep clean. We simply can’t spare the time. Prioritise the tasks instead,” Laura advised.

Maggie gulped. “Right.”

“We just can’t throw this opportunity away, Maggie! They’re not in a chain, so if the house meets their expectations, they’re bound to sign on the dotted line!”

She nodded. Laura was right. “OK. I’ll do what I can.”

“We’ll be on the doorstep at 3 pm. See you later,” Laura said crisply, and ended the call.

Maggie, deciding to start by tackling the kitchen and bathroom, hastened to the kitchen, smoothed on a pair of rubber gloves, and grabbed a cloth and a bottle of cleaning fluid. Next, she selected a black bin-liner, scooped up the debris from the teen bedrooms and placed the rest neatly under their beds. Maggie prayed that the couple wouldn’t want to peer under any beds! She placed the clean bedding in the airing cupboard, emptied all the bins and swept the hard floors.

Don’t forget the natural air freshener, she thought, as she opened the windows. Back in the kitchen, Maggie flicked the coffee machine on. The next task was dusting and hoovering. “First impressions count!” she told herself. This was Laura’s mantra, so Maggie got to work, grabbing the furniture polish and a duster, making sure the furniture gleamed and shone. She threw all the papers and magazines in the paper recycling bag, too.
After she’d tucked the vacuum cleaner away, Maggie glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes to go!

In the living room, on impulse, she decided to move some furniture around so that the sofa was facing the window. She also rearranged ornaments, a rug, some free-standing photos and a clutch of plants. There! That was so much better! She just hoped that all this effort would clinch the sale.

An hour later, Laura rang. “Good news! The couple have put an in offer, and the owners have accepted.”

Maggie beamed. “That’s brilliant!”

“You did an amazing job at Cresswell Crescent, Maggie. You worked wonders in that hour. I really liked the rearrangement of furniture in the living room, too. It made a huge difference.”

Maggie held her breath in anticipation.

“So, I’m happy to recommend your unique House Preparation service to more house sellers on my books.”

Her spirit soared. “That’s great! Well, you helped me, Laura, when you emailed me your basic checklist.”

“We make a good team,” Laura concluded.

Maggie smiled. She couldn’t argue with that!

GIG REVIEW – THE HUMAN LEAGUE

Written by Graham Townsend

This, whilst not being a bucket list item like my previous gig review, was the one I was probably most looking forward to this summer.

The Human League are a band whose music I’ve always admired, and I’m surprised that I have not got round to seeing them before. This occasion did tick off many boxes for me.

Firstly, it was taking place on my doorstep with a fifteen-minute walk to the venue at the Piece Hall in Halifax.

Secondly, they were being supported by Tom Bailey, former lead singer with the Thompson Twins, and Blancmange, who were both artists whose music I enjoyed.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, I could actually afford to go on this occasion. As many of you will be aware, the cost of gigs these days, especially when you factor in booking fees and the like, means they are not cheap to attend.

The atmosphere seemed to be very good from the outset. Blancmange would have been pleased that the majority of the crowd had already made their way into the venue for their set. They seemed to be pretty well received. Tom Bailey was born here in Halifax, and he stated “it was a special occasion for him” due to this. As the main man in the Thompson Twins, he reeled off many of their big hits, and the audience were clearly familiar with most of the tracks he played.

When it came to the main event, I had had plenty of good reports from friends who had seen The Human League in the past. One of the best things about their performance was that Phil Oakey’s voice doesn’t seem to have deteriorated too much with age. He will be 70 years old in October of this year. He was ably assisted by Susanne and Joanne in delivering a top-notch show.

I think my favourite song on the night was “Tell Me When”. I’m not sure why this was, perhaps it was the 1990s production which made it seem more polished than their other big hits from the 1980s. Another highlight was “Being Boiled”. Phil announced this was the first song he ever wrote. The graphics that accompanied the performance illuminated the Piece Hall and its backdrop. It looked absolutely stunning.

Many will associate the band with their best-known song “Don’t You Want Me”, and we got a tremendous rendition of that as well. Phil even donned an outfit similar to the one he wore in the video that accompanied the song when it was released back in 1981. In fact, he went through a fair few costume changes during the set, probably more that the girls!

I was a little disappointed that they didn’t play “The Things That Dreams Are Made Of” which is on their legendary album “Dare”. Conversely, I was delighted that they did play “Seconds” from the same album. It is a very atmospheric track, similar to “Being Boiled”, that recounts the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

Overall, I had a fantastic evening from start to finish. It probably helped that I had a couple of friends I was able to share the experience with. I do wish they had played for a little longer than the hour and twenty minutes that they were on stage. However, I still feel I did get value for money. I would give the gig a rating of 4 out of 5 stars.

ADVENTURES OF A MAN SITTING DOWN #33

Written by Krishna Francis

Oh gosh!

I haven’t got anything to say, and I’ve got 500 words in which to not say it. Let’s get on. Here’s a simple moment that occurred yesterday that speaks to a larger world whilst describing a small one.

I was in the Co-op buying bits and bobs for tea. Drew was in there too. I greeted him happily, and he was his usual dour self. As we parted, he made a remark that was strangely pithy. I didn’t think anything further about it. Instead, I wheeled into the next aisle and bumped into Joran. He was stacking shelves and asked me what was new. It’s a standard question that is a nicer way of saying “What’s up?” However, Drew’s tone must have had an effect because I decided to tell Joran about a film called Hundreds of Beavers. Look it up. It’s a delightful modern silent film.

I then sped out of the Co-op towards the bus stop. As I approached the bus stop, I was greeted by a man who always jokes with me. He makes high sport of the speed my wheelchair can achieve. His manner reminds me of somebody, but until last night, I never knew who which is odd, as the association is pretty strong. It’s especially odd in light of what followed because he always feels like a version of the actual thing. I never feel like his jokes hit home. He’s very friendly, though, so to keep things human I said that I’d just seen Drew in the Coop and forgotten to ask him about my friend Barry’s wake.

I didn’t know if he knew Drew or not. I was suddenly put in mind of a mutual friend who’d
died recently. I’ve been dealing with my health and so haven’t been out much. As a result, I’ve not been keeping up to date about important things like that.

It was simultaneously surprising and not surprising when the man announced he was
Barry’s brother. Of course! The same way of joking and keeping the world light
and buoyant, spreading kindness and fun. It was obvious when I looked at his face. “But,
with bigger ears!” Was his comment to account for my lack of insight.

In that moment Barry was right there, alive and remembered. I could describe Barry, but you’d only get surface elements and not enough of the human within. Whenever he passed me in the street, if I was in conversation with someone, he’d tap them on the shoulder and whisper at them “Check your pockets.” I remembered that I won’t experience that again. Almost, Barry’s brother is still around and he can only get better with practice. I look forward to seeing where things progress.

On a final note, I mean it about Hundreds of Beavers. It looks like it could be a lot of fun. I reckon Barry would have liked it.

THE THURSDAY DRESS

Written by S. Bee

I was browsing in the flea market one sunny Saturday morning when, at one of the vintage clothes stalls, a distinctive floral pattern on a cotton dress caught my eye. It looked like an exact replica of a dress my Mum used to wear when I was a child. It was dark teal, scattered with pretty yellow and white daisies. It wasn’t a 1970’s piece; it was more like a 1940’s dress design: calf-length with short, puffed sleeves, a flared lower skirt and tiny, see-through buttons on the front.

I can’t recall where Mum had actually bought it. There was no memory of her arriving home with a department store bag and proudly showing the frock off to me, my older sister, Hazel, and our dad. Mum just appeared in it one Thursday. I remember the day because that’s when Hazel and I went to Gran’s after school for tea. We went to Gran’s because Mum had recently got a job at a cinema. When her shift ended, Mum collected us.

When the three of us arrived back home, Dad was already there, reading the newspaper and listening to the radio. Hazel and I were scooted away to do homework, while they cooked a meal. I remember that was the Thursday arrangement for a short time, maybe a month.

“Like the frock, lady? It’s twenty-five pounds.” The stall holder’s voice jolted me back to the present. I was taken aback. Did I want it? What size was it? Would it even fit me? I shook my head and ambled away. I’ll find a cafe and have a coffee, I thought. While I’m there, I’ll ring Hazel, and when I pop round, I’ll ask her about the dress.

A few days later, I was at Hazel’s. As children of the 1970s, we were in our fifties now with husbands and adult children of our own. Our parents had emigrated to Spain. They loved their life in the sun, but it wasn’t for us. Sadly, both sets of grandparents had passed away.

“Do you remember a daisy-patterned dress? Mum only seemed to wear it on Thursdays when Gran picked us up from school,” I began.

“Vaguely.” Busy making tea, she seemed vague herself. My heart raced. Was Hazel hiding mum’s secret?

“I’ve been thinking about this. She had a job in a cinema, but what sort of job would offer just three hours per week?” I asked.

“She was an usherette at the matinee showing. You remember usherettes, Debbie. They stationed themselves in the aisle during the interval and sold ice cream from a tray.”

“I remember.” Yet, I was still puzzled when Hazel wouldn’t meet my eye.

“Wouldn’t an usherette be expected to work more than three hours a week?” I went on. I guess I’d been mystified about this for – well, decades, really. After a month, Mum gave this job up, as she hadn’t taken to it. She found another job working the night shift in a biscuit factory, so she slept during the day.

Hazel brought two mugs to the kitchen table. “I reckon Mum won’t mind me telling you now. She was working, but not at the cinema.”

“I thought not. Go on,” I urged.

“She was a life model for a local art group.”

I gulped. “A life model? That means -”

“Posing nude. Yes, but she chose to drape fabric to cover her private parts.”

I was absolutely stunned. “Wow. I admire her courage.”

“The attraction for her was the high fee. Dad knew about it. They cooked up this pretend cinema job to spare her blushes from friends and neighbours. They kept both grandparents in the dark,” she explained.

A sense of relief washed over me. “I’m glad that’s all it was. I had visions of her having a secret affair!”

“Oh, it was nothing like that. With me being older, Mum confessed before they went to Spain. As for the new frock – well, I think she just wanted to look smart.”

“Why did she give up posing?” I asked.

“She applied for the factory job; she was offered it and she took it. It was a relief for her to stop. They were aware that people could find out about her being a life model and spread gossip.”

I took a sip of tea. “I don’t recall her wearing the dress again, do you?”

She frowned. “Now you come to mention it, no. Maybe she donated it to a charity shop.”
“I guess it ended up on the flea market,” I chuckled.

She smiled. “Well, I hope I’ve solved the mystery of the Thursday dress for you, Debbie.”

“You have. Thanks for clearing it up.”

I decided that I’d like to buy the dress. It looked to be about my size. So, on the following Saturday, I visited the flea market again, and headed for the vintage clothes stall, but the dress had sold. I wasn’t surprised. I wasn’t too disappointed, though, because seeing it had led me to uncover a little family secret!

MORE RECIPES FROM WONDERFUL JUNE CHARLTON

French Toast

Ingredients
2 beaten eggs
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
3½ fl. oz of milk
1 tablespoon of castor sugar – plus extra for sprinkling
½ teaspoon of ground cinnamon
4 thick slices of bread
1 oz of butter

Method
1. Whisk together the eggs, vanilla extract, milk, sugar and cinnamon in a shallow dish.
2. Place the slices of bread in the mixture, turning to coat both sides so they absorb the liquid.
3. Heat the butter in a non-stick frying pan. Using a palette knife or a fish slice, remove the soaked bread from the dish and fry the slices for 2 minutes on each side until golden.
4. Cut the toasted slices in half-diagonal triangles, sprinkle with a little castor sugar and serve.

Croquettes

Ingredients
1 small onion
6–8 oz of cold meat or chopped corn beef
Salt and pepper
1 oz of butter
1 oz of flour
3/8 pint of stock
Egg
Breadcrumbs
1 teaspoon of chopped parsley

Method
1. Slice the onion finely and boil until cooked.
2. Make a sauce with butter and flour and add stock gradually. Bring to the boil and cook for 1 minute.
3. Mix sauce, onions and meat and 1 teaspoon of chopped parsley. Leave until cold.
4. Shape into cakes, coat in egg and breadcrumbs and fry until cooked.

Monday Pie

Ingredients
¾ lb of cold roast beef, minced
1 onion
Small can of tomatoes
1 teaspoon of flour
Small can of baked beans
1 teaspoon of gravy powder
Salt and pepper
1 lb of potatoes
3 oz of grated cheese

Method
1. Place the minced beef and onions, in a dish and stir in the beans, tomatoes, flour and gravy powder and salt and pepper.
2. Peel and slice potatoes and arrange on top of the meat.
3. Bake at 375 °F/gas mark 5 for 40 minutes.
4. Sprinkle grated cheese over potatoes 10 minutes before serving.

Fruity Mango Flapjacks

Ingredients
3½ oz of soft, light brown sugar
5 oz of butter – plus extra for greasing
2 tablespoons of golden syrup
7 oz of millet flakes
2 tablespoons of mixed pumpkin and sunflower seeds
3 oz of dried mango, roughly chopped

Method
1. Place the sugar, butter and syrup in a heavy-based pan and heat until melted. Then, stir in the remaining ingredients.
2. Grease a 11 x 7-inch baking tin and spoon the mixture into the tin, press down lightly and place in a preheated oven at 150 °F/gas mark 2 for 30 minutes.
3. Remove from the oven and mark in 12 bars, then place on a wire tray to cool completely before removing from the tin and breaking into bars.

THE COST OF NON-LEAGUE FOOTBALL

Written by Graham Townsend

This is an issue that I have considered writing about in the past. It has been brought into focus again for me most recently by the announcement of season and on-the-day match ticket prices for the team I support, FC Halifax Town. They are charging £391 for an adult season ticket and £24 to watch a single match.

One of the biggest issues for teams at National League level is that they do not receive any significant funding from a TV deal. At the same time, the majority of teams are full-time and striving to gain a place in the EFL. This problem does seem to be unique to the National League as teams at levels below this are mostly part-time and do not have anywhere near the same overhead costs.

For example, one of the costs that my team has to contend with is that they do not currently own their own stadium. This means they are paying rent to Calderdale Council for the pleasure of using the stadium. This is compounded by the fact that they do not earn any revenue from refreshments or food sales on matchdays as that goes to the landlords or the company who the council have put in place to provide those services.

Regarding, season ticket prices many people complain that their friends can go and watch their teams who play higher up the football pyramid at lower prices when looking at. From my point of view, I don’t see the point in comparing the prices as they are not my team and I wouldn’t want to go and watch them on a regular basis. They do have a point though in terms of the principle.

One of the things that frustrates fans of my team is that there is no option to pay by card and no option to secure an early-bird price ahead of a match. There is no excuse for this, in my opinion, as many teams at National League level offer either or both of these options.

Are FCHT the most expensive team to watch in terms of the match day price? Well no they aren’t. Having researched this, it seems that that honour, possibly not the correct word to use in this scenario, can be bestowed upon Carlisle United who are looking for £26 of your hard-earned cash to have the pleasure of seeing them run out on to the pitch at Brunton Park.

In their defence, if there can be one, they were in the football league last season and their overheads will possibly be higher than the remaining National League clubs due to their legacy wage bill. On the flip side, they will receive a parachute payment from the EFL to help soften the blow of dropping down.

Will this situation ever change? In my opinion, the answer is no. Well not until one of two things happen. Firstly, the National League becomes a part of the EFL or secondly, the National League somehow manage to broker a significant broadcasting deal. The latter is probably not going to happen until the former happens, so it is a bit of a Catch-22 situation.

I hope you have enjoyed this look at the reasoning behind the prices you can expect to pay if you follow a team in non-league football.

ANOTHER FUN QUIZ FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH

Questions

(1) What US city is known as the “windy city”?
(2) Where do Wolverhampton Wanderers FC play their own games?
(3) What is the chemical symbol for potassium?
(4) What nationality was the actress, Claudia Cardinale?
(5) What is the capital of Andorra?
(6) Who invented contact lenses?
(7) Who played Ivy Tilsley in Coronation Street?
(8) What currency is used in Mauritius?
(9) Who is the tallest man to have lived?
(10) Which country produces the most vinegar?
(11) Who was the oldest person to have lived?
(12) What is the French word for lorry?
(13) Who invented the first phonograph?
(14) Which footballer’s nickname was ‘Gazza’?
(15) How old was mafia head Al Capone when he died?
(16) Where was Raquel Welch born?
(17) Who plays Ross in the US sitcom Friends?
(18) What is testosterone?
(19) How many goals did Pele claim to score in his entire career?
(20) What is the biggest ever lottery win in the world?

Answers

(1) Chicago (2) Molineux Stadium (3) K (4) Italian (5) Andorra la Vella (6) Otto Wichterle (7) Lynne Perrie (8) Mauritian Rupee (9) Robert Wadlow (10) Italy (11) Jeanne Calment 122 years 164 days (12) Camion (13) Thomas Edison (14) Paul Gascoigne (15) 48 (16) Chicago, Illinois, US (17) David Schwimmer (18) A hormone that plays a crucial role in male development and reproductive health (19) 1,283 (20) 2.04 billion US dollars

Editor’s Last Word

Thank you once again for reading this publication, which we hope you found enjoyable.

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