Editions, February 2026

FTHM Edition 134 – February 2026

Hello again. I hope you are well and full of life. Maybe your life will change beyond all recognition this year? I am celebrating 28 years without alcohol this month.

This publication is open to anyone as long as they express themselves in a non-sexist, non-racist and non-homophobic way. You can contact us at: dean@fthm.org.uk. Best wishes, Dean Charlton.

Please note that our website address is: www.fromthehorsesmouth.org.uk

  • My Not Very Serious Stars – February 2026

    Scorpio 24 Oct – 22 Nov
    Love is a currency you possess little of, so, do socialise more and see if there is someone out there who can give you what you crave. You are such a gossip and will go to the town’s end to broadcast your tittle-tattle. Use your time better? A cup of magic tea may cause you to see a flying saucer hovering over your garden. You are nothing special, so, just accept it and live.

    Sagittarius 23 Nov – 21 Dec
    A very materialistic friend will have an epiphany this month and realise that love and relationships are more important than things. Someone with red spectacles will really make a show of themselves but don’t revel in their embarrassment. A lady called Elenor will reveal to you how lonely she is and it’s clear that she could really do with a bit of help. Be friendly.

    Capricorn 22 Dec – 20 Jan
    Stop sucking grass if you want to avoid having worms wriggling in your bottom. Maybe its time you had the balls to stop having children all of the time. Your nose may be big enough for a helicopter to land on, but you will be okay in life as you have loads of money. You may wake up with someone called George if you continue to be more careless about what you do.

    Aquarius 21 Jan – 19 Feb
    It may be a good time to train to be a beautician as you know all about vanity, don’t you? You will experience lust at first sight, but do remember the lovely partner you’ve got at home. Someone may, in fact, call you frigid – but that is surely better than being a social refrigerator. You do spend a lot of time in cafes, but is that not better than being a drunken fool again?

    Pisces 20 Feb – 20 Mar
    Recently, you have been unpleasant to your family, so, why not change your mind and start to treat them with the respect they deserve? If something bad has happened to you, then remember that bad things sometimes lead to new, better things. Do stop wishing you were more like other people and accept that you can only really be yourself. Buy a new car?

    Aries 21 Mar – 21 Apr
    Someone may amaze you with their creativity but be aware that they may be useless at other things in life. A terrible financial blow will leave you devastated, but you will recover. A man in a yellow coat will puzzle you with his odd behaviour -but he’s only getting through life in his own way. Be careful what you say, as home-truths are often unwelcome and dangerous.

    Taurus 21 Apr – 21 May
    You may feel very good at the moment, but if you carelessly make hay while the sun shines you may reap many demands for maintenance in the future. A person whom you once thought was a fat pig, may catch your eye and lust will blind you from the truth about them. It is definitely time you accepted that you are not an island, and act accordingly. Work harder.

    Gemini 22 May – 21 Jun
    Life may have dealt you a poor hand, but if you put your cards on the table, a close friend will help you – if you let them. A younger person will show interest in you this week, but be realistic, and accept that it’s not your looks or personality they’re attracted to! It would be good to go on a mystery tour as this will bring a bit of magic into your life, and maybe love.

    Cancer 22 Jun – 23 Jul
    Today, you will have to talk yourself out of a difficult situation – that you have caused yourself. A large, unexpected amount of money may be coming your way. You may start to think that all religion is man-made and you can do what you want – if you are ready for the consequences. Put a broad smile on someone’s face whom you have recently been neglecting.

    Leo 24 Jul – 23 Aug
    You will have a close shave, and a brush with the law, but you will have to face the music whether you’re fine with it or not. Someone who is as minging as you are will ask you out next week, and you may go on to have some extremely minging children – but does it really matter as we are all just mongrels? There may be a need to delve into your savings soon.

    Virgo 24 Aug – 23 Sep
    A selfish man may gift you something precious, but has he got ulterior motives? Winter can be a drag, but just dress up warmly and carry on. A gay man may impress you with his positivity, so, follow his example. The boil on your arse needs lancing, so, stop chickening out of a visit to your doctors. A telephone call may change everything in your life.

    Libra 24 Sep – 23 Oct
    Maybe now is the time to go on holiday somewhere warm if you can afford it. Someone who talks a lot, but says very little, will get on your nerves today, but bite your tongue. Also resist pointing out all the holes in a holy man’s beliefs and realise we all need something to believe in. Start to be who you want to be as this life is too short to spend playing a false role.

  • June’s World – February 2026

    Hello everybody. First of all, I hope you’re all keeping well. At the moment, I’m full of cold, but then again, so are lots of other people. I call it a winter cold, so, I try and keep myself warm by wearing layers of clothes – which seems to work for me. I do however, think that as you get older, you feel the cold more.

    Did you have a good Christmas – and get lots of presents? Our great grandson is 18 months old now and seemed to enjoy opening his presents; he’s very bright for his age, has started to take an interest in his environment, and begun saying simple words. My husband took him to see my son’s chickens and he wanted to pick one up and stroke it! Then he kept pointing to the trees and saying ‘apples’, and he’s definitely picking up other words like chocolate, mummy, daddy etc. He’s also been going to nursery, where he has a lot of friends, for about a year so he’s progressing linguistically.

    The weather today is bitterly cold here and snow is expected in the days to come. We are going to go and see Dean and Brenda tomorrow, which is Saturday, so, I’ll make sure I am well wrapped up. Like I said in other articles, I love going to Halifax and meeting up with them in Marks & Spencer’s for a lovely cup of hot chocolate, and then onto to Pearson’s fish and chip restaurant. As I am writing this article, I’m looking through the window and the sun is shining, and although it’s cold, it’s lovely weather for this time of year. It takes me back to when I was younger although I don’t think it’s cold enough to make an igloo or snowballs like I used to.

    I love a train journey so, I’m looking forward to being on a train tomorrow. When I go to a town, I love to look for bargains in the shops as some things have been reduced at this time of the year. I tend to buy perfumes, soap, gloves and socks which I put aside to add to larger presents in the future.

    I admit that like to reminisce about when I was a child and was waiting for the snow to come so, we could build an igloo, put a mat inside, and enjoy jam and bread as well as water – this might not sound much today but we enjoyed it anyway, as things were scarce. I loved Christmas Eve when I earnt money carol singing with my uncle Alfie. Most people were very kind to us but some people were rude and not at all generous. We split the money we got in half and I was able to give some of my money to my mother, although I held some back for myself.

    Well back to the present: Yesterday, we went to North Allerton and had a look around the shops. We then had a lovely meal in Barker’s restaurant before resuming looking around the shops. We had a great time and returned home feeling good!

    Well, that’s all for now. Will write more next month. Love June. X.

  • Brenda’s Wildlife Corner – February 2026

    Capybara

    The capybara is the largest known rodent in the world and is found everywhere in South America with the exception of Chile. It is related to animals like guinea pigs, and more distantly, chinchillas. It tends to live near water – rivers, ponds, lakes, swamps, marshes etc. This rodent is semi-aquatic and breeds in water though its young are born on land. It can even sleep in water through its nose.

    A capybara is extremely sociable and may live in groups of 50 to 100, although groups of 10 – 20 are more likely. It is not an endangered species (due to its rapid rate of reproduction) however, it is hunted for its meat, pelts and because some see it as a threat to other wildlife stock.

    It has a heavy, barrel-shaped body and can grow up to 4.40 feet in length, can stand 24 inches from its withers, and often weighs up to 146 lbs. The females are usually heavier than the males. Interestingly, their hind legs are a bit longer than their forelegs and they have slightly webbed feet; they have 3 toes on their rear feet and 4 toes on their front feet. Also, their muzzles are blunt and their ears, eyes and nostrils are near the top of its head.

    The diet of a capybara is somewhat limited with it mainly living on aquatic plants, grasses, tree bark and fruit. They are very particular about which leaves they feed on, although they do eat a variety of plants during the dry season like reeds. Perhaps a less attractive feature of this rodent is that it eats its own faeces in an effort to digest cellulose in grass and to extract more protein and vitamins from food. It also regurgitates food in order to masticate it again. Because of its dietary activities, its front teeth grow all the time as does its cheek teeth.

    A capybara can live in the wild until it is 8 or 10 but this is unlikely because of predators such as: cougars, jaguars, green anacondas, piranhas, caimans and harpy eagles. Consequently, they are lucky to live 4 years. In captivity they have been known to live 12 years.

    The gestation period of a capybara is 130 – 150 days, and within a week of being born, the young can eat but continue to suckle from any female in the group until they are 16 weeks of age. The young form a group within the main group.

    This rodent has various means of communication like barks, purrs, chirps and during oestrus, a female may whistle through her nose to attract males. It also scent-marks to communicate with other capybaras.

    To conclude, the capybara is yet another of our world’s wonderful creatures that deserve our utmost respect.

  • Townsend’s Quiz Time – February 2026

    Questions
    (1) In which Level 42 song is Mark King “sat in the backseat with Joseph and Emily”?
    (2) Who wrote the “Confessions of a Shopaholic” series of books?
    (3) Which word, starting with N can come before bean or blue, it can also refer to one of the armed forces?
    (4) Following the death of Brigitte Bardot, how many of the people mentioned in the song “We Didn’t Start the Fire” were still alive?
    (5) What is the capital of Nigeria?
    (6) Which baseball star was killed in an air crash on 31st December 1972?
    (7) Who played the lead male role in the 1993 film “The Fugitive”?
    (8) What does LED stand for?
    (9) What is the collective name for a group of nuns?
    (10) Who is considered to be the father of western medicine?
    (11) What is the total number of dots on a dice?
    (12) Which planet has moons called Phobos and Deimos?
    (13) Which well-known tech company was founded by Bill Gates?
    (14) Which continent has the most countries?
    (15) What type of lens is used in a magnifying glass?
    (16) Which gas is often used to power a gas barbeque grill?
    (17) What is a deep crack in a glacier called?
    (18) Which American architect designed the Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles and The Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao?
    (19) Which actress won an Oscar for her role in Woody Allen’s Annie Hall?
    (20) Which bassist was a founder member of the group the Stone Roses, before joining Primal Scream?

    Answers
    (1) Running in the Family (2) Sophie Kinsella (3) Navy (4) Three – Checker/Dylan/Goetz (5) Abuja (6) Roberto Clemente (7) Harrison Ford (8) Light-emitting diode (9) A murmur (10) Hippocrates (11) 21 (12) Mars (13) Microsoft (14) Africa (15) Convex (16) Propane (17) A glacier (18) Frank Gehry (19) Diane Keaton (20) Gary Mounfield aka Mani

  • Bible Quote of the Month – March 2026

    Peter Smith

    FISH and HONEYCOMB

    After two travellers had spoken to Jesus on the road, they returned to Jerusalem and told his disciples, “The Lord is risen indeed”.

    Then, ‘Jesus himself stood in the midst of them, and said to them, “Peace to you”.

    But they were terrified and frightened, and supposed they had seen a ghost.

    And he said to them, “Why are you troubled? And why do doubts arise in your hearts?

    Look at my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Handle me and see, for a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see I have”.

    When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his feet.

    But while they still did not believe for joy, and marvelled, he said to them, “Have you any food here?”

    So, they gave him a piece of a broiled fish and some honeycomb.

    And he took it and ate in their presence.’

    (see Luke 24:36-43, in the New King James Version of the Bible)

  • Something To Do

    S Bee

    Angie glanced at the clock on the wall. “I’m so sorry Tess, but I’ll have to go soon.”

    I nodded. I understood that time was not on Angie’s side. The cafe was short-staffed – hence the delay with our lunch – and my friend needed to return to work. We used to be call centre colleagues.

    We’d worked for an energy company and we’d dealt with difficult customers. Angie still did. It was a stressful occupation, so I didn’t exactly envy Angie.

    When our lunch finally arrived to our table (with a side order of an apology) Angie gulped back her tea and wrapped her sandwich in a large napkin, to take away.

    She then shrugged on her jacket. “I’m really sorry about this but we’ll meet as usual, next Friday lunchtime.”

    I smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I know how it is. Take care. Bye!”

    Angie waved as she headed for the door. My mind flew back… me, Angie and Lisa had started work at the same time at Energo. Being the same age (mid-forties) and married, the three of us had hit it off and every Friday, as a little end of week treat, we went to a cosy cafe for a nice lunch. We’d all worked well together for just over a decade, until things changed. Eight months ago, Lisa had made an announcement.

    “My husband and I moving to the Yorkshire dales to run a B&B. Call it a mid-life crisis but we want to do something different. We’ve put the house on the market. I’ll work my notice here, and when the house sells, we’ll be off!”

    Crikey. A brand-new life and gorgeous scenery to boot… how lovely!

    “We’ll miss you so much!” I cried.

    She wiped away tears. “I’ll miss you two, too!”

    Angie and I were sorry to see her go. However, once she’d settled in, Lisa invited me and my hubby Tom to stay – plus, Angie (and her hubby) of course. The invite arrived out of season, so they had plenty of spare rooms. I promised faithfully that we would, but we were rushed off our feet at work… yet Angie and I managed to keep in touch with Lisa. A few cheery ‘How are you?’ lines dashed off in an email was better than nothing. Strangely, the company didn’t hire anyone to take over Lisa’s role. We soon discovered why… they were bringing in a series of voluntary redundancies.

    Tom had recently retired, so I decided to take up the company’s offer. It’d be good to escape the stress and Tom and I could take the opportunity to travel. I’d love to visit my sister, her husband and her family in Australia. They had emigrated there. I hadn’t seen her for years and my niece and nephew were growing up fast. She was always begging us to come and stay. There was only one snag. Tom didn’t like flying.

    At work, when I announced that I was leaving, Angie had looked sad.

    “We can still meet for lunch on Fridays,” she’d put in.

    I’d smiled. ‘Thanks. I’d like that.”

    We did, and she’d continued to fill me in on office gossip. Yet sometimes I felt my attention wandering. Well, it wasn’t my world any more, was it? I didn’t mean to sound uncaring but why would I be bothered about Anna’s disastrous dates, Paul’s driving lessons or Barry’s ongoing indigestion?

    That first Monday morning lie-in was bliss – yet I realised that I needed something to do. It was a nice, sunny day so I packed a flask and joined Tom on his allotment. The allotment had kept him occupied and he’d become friendly with all the folk there.

    “Hello love.” He was pleased to see me, yet I sensed a subtle distance.

    Later, I learnt that he preferred to keep his hobby separate. He didn’t really want me involved. That was fine – I had to respect that.

    “We could visit my sister and her family in Australia, now I’m not working,” I suggested that evening over dinner.

    He pulled a face. “You know how I feel about long-haul flights, Tess. I hate flying in general, anyway.”

    “I know but look, what if we broke the journey and stayed for a week at the half way point?” I suggested.

    “Hmm. Let me have a think about it.”

    “Then there’s Lisa in the Yorkshire dales -”

    “Calm down, love. I realise that you’re free as a bird now but there’s no need to suddenly dash here, there and everywhere,” he chuckled.

    It was a fair point. Later, I mulled things over. Perhaps I’d been hasty in accepting voluntary redundancy? I didn’t miss the problem-solving element attached to my job but I missed the daily work routine and yes, I admit that I missed company.

    Well, if travel wasn’t on the agenda maybe I should look for another job, I thought.

    A part-time one would be good – it wouldn’t absorb all my energy, and I’d be able to pursue a hobby. I still had my Friday lunches with Angie to look forward to!

    Yet when I arrived at the cafe on Friday, Angie wasn’t there. It was our usual time… my mind whirled. I hadn’t had a text, saying, she’d be late. I sighed. I knew how it was – we’d get caught up with a client over the phone and couldn’t get away… the cafe was crowded, yet I managed to find a spare seat. Then a text came in – but it wasn’t from Angie. It was Tom.

    “Okay. Let’s go to Oz,” he said.

    My heart leapt. Great! I reckoned that a long weekend in the Yorkshire dales beckoned, too!

    Back to the cafe…as it was busy, my table hadn’t been cleared. So, I gathered the empty mugs and took them to the counter.

    The woman smiled. “Oh, many thanks!”

    I then made a sudden, impulsive, decision.

    “Look, I know this out of the blue, but what if I did a voluntary shift for you, right here, right now?”

    The idea had come from nowhere – yet it could fit the bill.

    Her face lit up. “Would you? I recognise you – you’re a regular customer. You come in every Friday.”

    I nodded. “That’s right.”

    “Well, yes please to helping out. If you do well today, I could be offering you a part-time job, er -”

    I beamed. “Tess.”

    “I’m Kate. Pleased to meet you. I’ll need to check your references but in-the-meantime, here’s a spare apron. Table three’s order should be ready in the kitchen.”

    I nodded but before I could tie my apron, another text bleeped. This time it was Angie, saying sorry, she’d had to work, so would miss our lunch. I vowed to buy her a sandwich and pop round to Energo when I could. Then I switched my phone off, stored it safely in my bag and got cracking.

    Three hours later, I was thrilled when Kate offered me the job! That really made my day!

  • Anonymous Autist’s Guide To The Galaxy – Socialus Expectatum

    Socialus Expectatum – The Power of Social Expectation

    Have you ever discovered that an apparently innocent sentence such as “I hope you don’t mind?” is not actually a question?

    It looks like one. It sounds like one. However, do not be deceived.

    This is Socialus Expectatum: an ancient spell given to a select few which bestows upon them the power to create the illusion of choice while simultaneously removing every socially acceptable option except agreement.

    Problem: Teleporting into An Alternate Social Universe

    You set the coordinates meticulously, calculate the trajectory to within one nanometre, and calibrate the “Social Group” number to 5 – the precise number confirmed less than 24 hours earlier.

    Final checks complete. Timer set to three seconds. Teleportation begins.

    You materialise at the designated meeting point. Five familiar faces detected. Relief washes over you as you assure yourself that you made it in one piece.

    Suddenly, internal sirens blare. ALIEN LIFE FORM DETECTED. Your Mind’s Eye Warning Monitor flashes up Admiral Ackbar shouting, “It’s a trap!” There is an unexpected sixth face.

    You realise you’re in unfamiliar territory, your shields have been jammed, and all automatic social-support systems immediately go offline. The Social Small-Talk Protocol crashes. You feel your face contort into what you hope is a smile and not “strained hostage smile.”

    Your friends introduce Grace, apparently a new bowling-team friend of Mike’s. Grace smiles and says “I hope you don’t mind me tagging along?”, followed by some quieter words, which seem inaudible to everyone else, but is a magic phrase which you recognise: “Socialus Expectatum”.

    This ancient spell immediately obliges you to agree and say: “No, of course I don’t mind! It’s not as if I have some world-ending, internal-system malfunction-inducing, phobia about an unexpected person joining the group of the people I actually expected now, is it?”.

    And thus, the Social Contract has been activated.

    So, having survived the interrogation disco, foot-crushing bowling shoes and lane-seven incident documented in The Social Hangover, you now face an even greater danger: the unexpected variable.

    If you’ve ever had this spell put upon you, and had many a ruined occasion because of it, then you may be pleased to know there are battle-tested solutions which work to release you from the harmful effects, but it requires patience, practice, and a deep-dive into the ancient magic of Social Expectation.

    Solution 1: Revise the Social Highway Code

    Before attempting further social contact, revise for the Social Theory Test. Unlike the driving theory test, there are not 50 multiple-choice questions. Nobody knows how many questions there are.

    Every person has their own Highway Code, much of which has never been written down, and can only be observed or inferred after many years of studying the person. Groups may also operate “Limited Edition Group Codes” which appear without warning and override previous rules.

    Each question has an infinite permutation of possible answers, which must be delivered in the correct order, with the correct facial expression, tone and time interval.

    Answer too quickly: suspicious.

    Answer too slowly: awkward.

    Answer Honestly: potentially catastrophic.

    Feedback may consist entirely of someone saying, “You were a bit… you know,” followed by a facial expression requiring expert analysis and preservation for future scientists with technology advanced enough to decipher it.

    You may or may not be told whether you passed.

    Solution 2: Practise Your Counter-Charms

    Fortunately, Socialus Expectatum can be resisted.

    Counter-Charm A: Advanced Mind-Reading

    Place two fingers against your temple.

    “Good lady! Why would I mind? I am a professional Mind-Reader. I already knew you were coming. In fact, not only did I know you were coming, but I also know that…”

    Pause and stare into the middle distance. Gasp and pretend to faint.

    Upon regaining consciousness, refuse to explain anything.

    Counter-Charm B: The Double-Bluff Buff

    Temporarily answer the actual question.

    “Yes, I do mind you tagging along. Would you mind leaving us to enjoy the day we planned without you.”

    Observe faces.

    If everyone looks shocked, immediately laugh.

    “Just kidding! Of course I don’t mind. The more the merrier!”

    You have now expressed your genuine preference, obeyed the Social Contract, and created enough confusion that nobody is certain what happened.

    Counter-Charm C: Emergency Apparition

    Shout “APPARATE!”, deploy the emergency smoke bomb carried specifically for unforeseen social alterations, and run.

    Do not look back.

    Solution 3: Engage Emergency Transcendental Meditation Protocol #42

    Sometimes escape is impossible and Protocol #42 must be activated.

    You are no longer a participant. You are a documentary observer asking yourself:

    “What would Louis Theroux do in my shoes?”

    Suddenly Grace is not an unexpected stranger threatening the delicate group equilibrium. She is a fascinating subject participating in an obscure social ritual.

    You observe carefully. Notice how everyone instinctively knows when to speak. Marvel at how subjects interrupt one another without causing diplomatic incidents. Note how “We should definitely do this again” may mean anything from “I genuinely wish to repeat this” to “Goodbye forever.”

    Respond pleasantly. Nod thoughtfully. Ask gentle questions. Deploy the nose-bridge eye-contact technique previously field-tested during encounters with The Professional Idiot.

    If sensory overload begins, remember the teachings of Zen and the Art of Meltdown and locate the nearest low-stimulation refuge before your nervous system attempts spontaneous dematerialisation.

    Alternatively, channel your inner Trappist Monk, adopting a serene face, immediately vow of silence, and occasional minimal nodding.

    Later, in the sanctity of home, commence the traditional self-flagellation ceremony by replaying every interaction and asking why Future You volunteered you for tasks Present You would fake an alien abduction to escape.

    Final Guidance: Defence Against the Dark Arts

    With practice, you learn that social expectations are powerful because they are often invisible.

    The pressure is not always somebody forcing you. Sometimes it is simply knowing the expected answer before you have worked out your real one.

    Sometimes you will still say yes. Other times you will freeze.

    Occasionally, but not infrequently you will invoke your right to remain silent before returning home and conducting a six-hour disciplinary hearing against yourself.

    But we are pleased to say: you have now qualified in Defence Against the Dark Arts of Social Expectation. Your certificate is in the post, along with your provisional appointment as reserve supply teacher at Hogwarts, proving wrong all those naysayers who stood at the gates of social competence shouting: “You shall not pass!”

    Next Month we shall be discussing “Multiverse-Masking and the Ashcroft Effect“, which provides the leading theory on how an individual presently in this universe can be a million different people from one day to the next.

  • Music in 2026

    Graham Townsend

    Who knows what, or for that matter who, the world of music will bring us in 2026. Maybe we will see the beginning of a new era such as we saw with Beatlemania back in the early 1960s or the punk explosion in 1976. We were blissfully unaware that those major music world events would be upon us before they happened so, who is to say what could be the new craze or who could be the new hero, or heroes in 2026.

    The likes of Taylor Swift, Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo and Chappell Roan were all sisters doing for themselves in 2025 and there is nothing to suggest that their success will not continue. More female solo artists are quite capable of reaching the upper echelons of the industry in the near future. Artists such as Raye and Olivia Dean spring to mind. They have already shown us what they are capable of and it would not surprise me if they go on to bigger and better things during the current year.

    It’s not just the girls either, the guys have been having plenty of solo success as well. Ed Sheeran is top of the tree, and has been for some time now, when it comes to the solo male artist category. Up and comers like The Weeknd, Benson Boone, Sam Fender and Alex Warren are amongst those who look most likely to give him a run for his money in 2026.

    Will we see a resurgence of bands in 2026? They seem to have taken a bit of a backseat in recent times. Maybe this is due to the popularity of EDM (Electronic dance music) which relies more on synths and programmed beats than it does on guitars. There are so many tracks out there which are credited to a DJ with a featured vocalist. I feel personally that there is a lack of musical creativity in the EDM arena but it is very popular so, who am I to judge what is good music and what isn’t?!

    I’ve been getting into heavier rock music over the last twelve months or so after coming across an internet show on a Friday evening that splits three hours of music between pop and rock. Perhaps we will see one of the bands from there like Those Damn Crows break through and have some mainstream success?

    I’d love to see a punk revival. Perhaps a band like Sprints can have a bigger impact than they are already having.

    Will there be another technological discovery in the music world? I still buy CDs but also stream many tracks these days and there has been a threat of a fresh vinyl revival in recent times although, the price of many albums available via this medium seems a tad high to say the least.

    Talking of expensive, the cost of gigs is ridiculous. It would be nice to see Ticketmaster taken to task over their dynamic pricing tactics in 2026 so, that more everyday working-class people can actually afford to go and see the artists they love.

    I’ll see you back here, this time next year to see what really happens!

RECIPES FROM WONDERFUL JUNE CHARLTON

  • Farmhouse Cream Scones – September 2026

    Ingredients:

    1 lb of self-raising flour

    1 teaspoon of baking powder

    ¼ teaspoon of salt

    4 oz of butter

    1 beaten egg

    ½ pint of milk

    1 tablespoon of cream

    1 oz of sugar

    Method:

    Sieve together, flour, baking powder and salt. Rub in the butter, stir in the beaten egg and mix with milk to an elastic dough. Add the cream. Knead lightly on floured board.

    Roll out to ¾-inch thickness. Cut into rounds with small cutter. Place on a greased, floured baking tray.

    Brush tops with rest of milk, sweetened with the sugar. Bake immediately in hot oven for 12-15 minutes at 450 F/gas mark 8.

  • Treacle Scones – September 2026

    Ingredients:

    8 oz of flour

    1 level teaspoon of cream of tartar

    1 level teaspoon of bicarbonate soda

    ½ level teaspoon of salt

    1 ½ oz of fat/lard/butter

    1 tablespoon of treacle

    Method:

    Rub the fat into the dried ingredients.

    Add the treacle and milk and water – mix well.

    Roll out on a floured board. Cut into shapes. Bake at 400 F/gas mark 6

  • Mini Tomato and Feta Omelette – September 2026

    Ingredients:

    Melted butter for greasing

    4 beaten eggs

    2 tablespoons of chopped chives

    3 sun-dried tomatoes

    3 oz of feta cheese, crumbled

    Salt and black pepper

    Method:

    Brush a 12-hole mini muffin tray lightly with melted butter.

    Mix together all the remaining ingredients in a large bowl until just combined.

    Pour the mixture into the greased holes and place in a preheated oven 425 F/gas mark 7

  • Chocolate Pudding – September 2026

    Ingredients:

    3 oz of self-raising flour

    2 oz of margarine

    1 oz of plain chocolate

    2 tablespoons of milk

    1 beaten egg

    3 oz of sugar

    Method:

    Mix all the dry ingredients together, rub in the margarine, add the beaten egg and enough milk to mix to a very stiff batter.

    Pour into a greased basin, cover with a cloth and steam for 2 hours.

  • Potato and Ham Crunch – September 2026

    Ingredients:

    1 lb of potatoes, cooked and diced

    1 packet of potato crisps

    2 large onions, skinned and diced

    4 hard-boiled eggs, diced

    4 slices of ham

    ½ pint of cheese sauce

    4 oz of flour

    2 oz of butter

    2 oz of cheddar cheese, grated

    Method:

    Sauté the onions in the butter, add the potatoes and turn into a greased ovenproof dish.

    Cover with the sauce then place the ham over the top.

    Rub the fat into the flour, stir in the cheese and crushed crisps. Sprinkle over the ham.

    Bake at 400 F/gas mark 6 for 30-40 minutes until golden brown.

  • Eccles Cakes

    Ingredients:

    ½ oz of butter

    2 oz of currants

    1 oz of chopped, mixed peel

    1 oz of soft brown sugar

    ½ level teaspoon of mixed spice

    7 oz of flaky or puff pastry

    Milk to glaze

    Caster sugar

    Method:

    Melt the butter in a pan, stir in the currants, brown sugar, peel, and spices. Roll out the pastry thinly and cut into rounds using a plain pastry cutter.

    Put heaped teaspoon of filling on each circle. Moisten edges with water, and draw up to enclose the filling. Seal Well. Turnover, roll out to about ½ inch thickness, prick over top and brush with milk. Sprinkle caster sugar over and bake at 425 F/gas mark 7 for 15 – 20 minutes.

  • Hazelnut Biscuits

    Ingredients:

    4 oz of hazelnuts

    3 oz of castor sugar

    6 oz of butter

    9 oz of plain flour

    Melted chocolate

    Method:

    Brown the hazelnuts by placing them in a hot oven until the skins begin to peel off and the nuts are turning golden brown. Rub off the skins with a clean tea towel and leave to cool. Chop or grind the nuts.

    Cream together the butter and the sugar until pale and fluffy, knead in the hazelnuts and flour until the mixture is smooth. Wrap in cling film and chill in the fridge for 1 hour.

    Roll out the biscuit dough to ¼ inch thick and cut into 2-inch circles.

    Bake on a greased baking sheet or tray until pale golden,

  • Chocolate Apple Cake

    Ingredients:

    8 oz of self-raising flour

    4 oz of margarine

    4 oz of castor sugar

    1 egg

    3-4 tablespoons of milk

    1 level teaspoon of cocoa

    1 peeled, medium-sized apple

    8 oz of chocolate glace icing

    Few chopped nuts if desired

    Method:

    Cream the fat and sugar together and gradually add the beaten egg and some of the milk, beating well between each addition of liquid. Fold in the flour sifted with the cocoa and mix to a soft, dropping consistency, add a little more milk if necessary.

    Spread half the mixture in a 7-inch cake tin and grate the raw apple on to the surface. Place the remaining mixture on top evenly. Bake in a moderate hot oven at 400 F/gas mark 6 for about 45 minutes. When cold, ice with chocolate glace icing, and if desired, sprinkle with chopped nuts.

  • Baked Alaska

    (Need a 7-inch sponge flan case)

    Ingredients:

    2 egg whites

    4 oz of icing sugar

    1 small can of strained, strawberries

    Small block of strawberry ice cream

    Method:

    Whisk together the egg whites and icing sugar into stiff peaks. Place the flan case on a baking tray and cover the base with strawberries. Place the ice cream on top, then quickly spread the meringue over whole, making sure there are no gaps.

    Bake for just a few minutes at 450 F/gas mark 8 until meringue is golden. Serve immediately.

  • Old Fashioned Ginger Nut Biscuits

    Ingredients:

    10 oz of plain flour

    7 oz of sugar, ½ soft brown

    1 teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda

    2 teaspoons of ground ginger

    1 ½ teaspoons of baking powder

    6 oz of butter/margarine

    1 tablespoon of golden syrup/clear honey

    2 tablespoons of milk

    Method:

    Pre-heat the oven to 160C. Place all the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. Melt the butter and syrup over a gentle heat, making sure it does not boil. Pour this mixture into the dry ingredients, add the milk and mix thoroughly.

    Shape into 36 small balls and place on greased baking trays/sheets, spaced well apart and flatten lightly. The biscuits spread to about 2” across.

    Bake for 16-18 minutes until browned. Leave to cool on a tray.

  • Adventures of a Man Sitting Down – February 2026

    Krishna Francis

    #35 – Are You Having an Epiphany?

    Snow drifts through the shaft of light from the security lamp on the corner of the building.

    I’d woken early, a consequence of the various mechanical devices driving me towards health. The low groan of the pressure relieving mattress re-inflating occasionally was the backbeat. The chug-chug-chuggedy-chug of the vac pump was the harmony.

    Pressure sores. Avoid at all costs. Life in a wheelchair isn’t all basketball and BBC inclusivity drives. Often there’s a large amount of hospitalisation involved. Sometimes it involves big events.

    The time before the last time I saw my friend Kevin in hospital he had two feet. The last time I saw him that had changed. I mean, he’s in a wheelchair, it’s not like he needs both of them to get around. Still, it’s like Dickens description of Wackford Squeers the one-eyed headmaster in Nicholas Nickleby. ‘He had one eye when popular prejudice runs rather in favour of two.’ He is after all a baddy. What better way to designate his evil persona than remove an eye?

    Kevin raises money for his charity so it can be of benefit to people newly in a wheelchair. He shouldn’t be losing a leg! Or even just a foot. The difficulty of these bodily changes is that it does rather place one at the Bond villain end of the scale. I mean, there is Professor X in the X Men. To be honest there’s also Phil Squod in Nicholas Nickleby, he’s only got one arm and he’s a hero. If I remember correctly, he saves a life. He certainly saves the day at some point. Maybe it’s my inner prejudice coming out.

    Anyway, I was chug-chug-chuggedy-chugged out of my slumber at 5.54 this morning. As lying in bed listening to an intrusive noise is even less fun than wheeling about with that noise following you, I got up. I wheeled through the soft darkness of my flat. I like to get things started using the ambient light of the street lights bouncing off my walls. It’s gentler than straightforward electricity and there are literally four LED or LCDs on my route to the kitchen. That is a panoply of mood lighting. I feel like I’ve participated in a piece of immersive theatre before I’ve even had a glass of orange juice.

    So, I reached the lounge and submitted to the fierce fluorescence of the kitchen light. I put the kettle on and then reconsidered. I turned off the light again and went to watch the snow falling through my lounge window. There wasn’t much wind, so the snow drifted mostly downwards. The light on the side of the building was orange and the streetlight was white. They gave the snow intermittently different character as it floated to the ground. It was as though it was a trans elemental phenomenon. I identify as orange. I identify as white. Said snowflake after snowflake.

    The whistle on my kettle called me back to the task in hand. I went and made coffee.

  • Words Of Wisdom

    S Bee

    “Hello Kate! It’s good to see you again. How’s things?” Jill began.

    Kate smiled. “It’s good to see you, too. Things are fine.”

    Things weren’t fine, but Kate felt reluctant to confide in her. After all, Kate didn’t know Jill that well. After all, she’d only met Jill once before, at a big motivational talk event last year. This was an anniversary catch- up event, held in the same conference centre. Kate had received a reminder e-mail. Her mind flew back to the year before…

    The speaker was a charismatic, glamorous, highly successful IT business owner called Eleanor Craven. She’d eagerly hung onto Eleanor’s every word. The talk was so inspiring!

    When they broke for lunch, Kate found herself in the queue next to Jill in the conference centre’s cafe.

    “I hope you don’t mind me asking but what do you think of the talk?” she asked.

    “To be honest with you, I only came in to get out of the rain,” she confessed.

    “Did you? Hi. I’m Kate.”

    “I’m Jill. As for the talk – well, Eleanor certainly makes a good impression,” she went on.

    “If you don’t mind me saying, you sound kind of cynical,” Kate remarked.

    Jill pulled a face. “Well, these sorts of talks are basic pick-me-ups, aren’t they?”

    Kate was taken aback. “How can you say that? I found it totally life changing!”

    “How is Eleanor’s speech going to change your life?” Jill enquired.

    “I don’t know yet,” she spluttered. “But I’ll be buying Eleanor’s book later on. Why not stay and listen to the second half of the talk? It’s free.”

    “Is it still raining out?” Jill asked.

    Kate peered out of the window.

    “Yes. It’s pouring down,” Kate replied.

    So, Jill stayed.

    When the talk ended, Kate had tried to find Jill, but she’d melted away in the crowd…never mind. Kate was so fired up with passion and enthusiasm. She was determined to launch a brand-new enterprise! If she worked hard, she was sure to reap the rewards.

    Back on the main stage, once again, Eleanor Craven had told everyone they could make their dreams come true… then it was breaktime.

    “Do you fancy a coffee?” Jill asked Kate.

    Kate nodded and they headed towards the cafe. When Jill went to the counter, Kate reflected. Sadly, all of her grand plans had come to nothing. The online vintage jewellery idea hadn’t generated enough profit, the sandwich delivery business hadn’t got off the ground, and the new art concept had sunk without a trace. She eventually took her parent’s advice and found a proper job, but the admin post bored her to tears. When her boss wasn’t about, Kate had whiled away the hours by setting up an anonymous blog. Titled ‘The tedious life of an office girl’, it had attracted a lot of followers. The social media links placed on the blog had helped spread the word. Even though it was only a small project, Kate had created it herself. She felt proud of her secret success.

    As Jill returned, a thought occurred to her. If Jill hadn’t found Eleanor’s original talk helpful or interesting, why was she here today?

    “How’s your year been?” Kate began.

    “Not bad,” Jill answered. “I’ve been working on an idea.”

    “Tell me more.” Kate sipped her coffee.

    “Well, I’ve self- published a little e-book,” Jill replied.

    “That sounds intriguing. What’s your book about?”

    “The second half of Eleanor’s talk left quite an impact on me,” Jill admitted. “I went away and thought about what I’d like to achieve.”

    “Go on,” Kate urged.

    “I bought her book, too. It inspired me to create and innovate,” Jill went on. “Energise and focus.”

    Kate recognised Eleanor’s motivational speak jargon.

    “And?” Kate was agog.

    Jill reached for her bag, whipped a tablet out, switched it on and showed Kate the screen. “So, I wrote a motivational book of my own! It’s called ‘Words of Wisdom.’ It’s selling quite well. I’m planning a website, and I’d like to set up a blog.”

    “That’s brilliant news!” Kate beamed. “Well done.”

    Kate was amazed – yet Jill looked thoughtful.

    “I don’t suppose you know anyone who’s good on social media and blogging? I need someone to help me promote the book,” she explained. Her spirit soared. Talk about stumbling across an unexpected opportunity! Kate took a deep breath. She needed to sell herself here. She recalled the confidence techniques from Eleanor and launched in.

    “I’m familiar with all social media platforms,” Kate replied. “I blog, too. Have you heard of a blog called ‘The tedious life of an office girl?’ That’s me.”

    “Really? I’m one of your followers. So, that smart, funny blog writer, is you?” Jill was amazed.

    Kate nodded.

  • Gary Numan Gig Review

    Graham Townsend

    Gary Numan is, in my opinion, an iconic artist who was always on my list of people to see. Friday 14th November 2025 threw up the perfect opportunity for me to achieve this when he performed at the O2 Academy in Leeds.

    The tour had been billed as the 45th anniversary of his revered “Telekon” album and it was announced that he would be playing the majority, if not all of the tracks on that the album. This promise was fulfilled and it seemed to delight the capacity audience.

    The atmosphere was great and Numan himself seemed to revel in this. His daughter Raven was the support act and I have to say I quite enjoyed her material which, wasn’t too dissimilar to that of her father.

    Some casual fans might be disappointed that he didn’t perform two of his most well-known songs in “Cars” and “Are Friends Electric?” however the Numanoids will have been delighted with the tracks they did hear.

    I had to familiarise myself with some tracks pre-gig however, I found that I enjoyed the majority of them on the night. Many people will be familiar with “This Wreckage”, the set opener, plus “I Die, You Die” and “We Are Glass” which were played back-to-back prior to the encore.

    Talking of the encore, Numan went back to the very beginning and treated us to four Tubeway Army songs. My favourite of these was the first one “My Shadow in Vain”.

    I was unsure, prior to the gig, how good Gary’s voice would be at the age of 67 however, I had no reason for concern as his vocal skills don’t seem to have diminished very much, if at all, over the last forty-five years or so! One other thing I noticed was that his energy levels didn’t drop throughout his performance. He bounced around and contorted his body in ways I could never imagine being able to do!

    Numan isn’t a big talker. He communicated more with gestures than actual words. He did interact with the audience when he felt it was appropriate and in the lead up to “Like A B-Film” he described it as a song he thought was “shit at the time” referring to when it was written, circa 1980. It has now been included as a bonus track on the 2025 re-release of the album. For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed it on first hearing.

    Overall, it was a very entertaining night and I have already booked to see him again in 2026 at the Piece Hall here in Halifax. I would expect that show to include the aforementioned big hits that were omitted in Leeds. I also should be able to avoid the travel chaos I experienced due to the inclement weather which disrupted my journey to the venue.

    I would give this gig a rating of four stars (out of five). One sad footnote to this event was the tragic passing of Numan’s brother after attending the gig himself. RIP John.

Short Story 3 (Offset = 2)

  • FTHM Fun Quiz – September 2026

    Questions:

    (1) What is the currency of the Vatican City?

    (2) Who played the leading female role in the film The Graduate?

    (3) What is the nationality of the footballer Luis Suarez?

    (4) What is the name of the LA Galaxy stadium?

    (5) What is the French word for bathroom?

    (6) Who invented the straitjacket?

    (7) What is the currency of Thailand?

    (8) When was the first Star Wars film released?

    (9) What is the third letter of the Latin alphabet?

    (10) What is the capital of Nova Scotia?

    (11) What is the German word for wig?

    (12) How old was fats Domina when he died?

    (13) Who is the oldest of the Jackson 5 group?

    (14) Who is the primary Norse god of war?

    (15) When was the latest solar eclipse?

    (16) Where was presenter Terry Wogan born?

    (17) What nationality was Louis Armstrong?

    (18) Who was the first French emperor?

    (19) What is the most popular soda/pop in the world?

    (20) What was the name of the pilot for Steptoe and Son?

    Answers: (1) Euro (2) Anne Bancroft (3) Uruguayan (4) Dignity Health Sports Park (5) Salle de bains (6) Monsieur Guilleret (7) Thai Baht (8) May 25, 1977 (US), C (10) Halifax (11) Perucke (12) 89 (13) Jackie Jackson (14) Tyr (15) August 12, 2026 (16) Limerick (17) American (18) Napoleon Bonaparte (19) Coca-Cola (20) The Offer

Editor’s Final Word

Thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to read this publication. You can get involved by contacting us at: dean@fthm.org.uk

Best wishes, Dean, Brenda, Graham and Hari.

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