Hello again. I hope you are okay.
As usual, we are putting out a varied magazine with Graham Townsend really excelling this month.
Please also note that our Summer Photography Competition is now closed, and we have had some great summer shots, and wish to thank all entrants for their efforts. Winners of the First, Second, and Third place prizes will be picked this month and published in next month’s magazine.
I would also like to remind readers that my debut book ‘Warts and Almost All’, which documents my struggle with mental health problems and other health conditions, in the hope of educating people about such issues, is available as a digital download on the website here for a suggested donation of £5.
If you want to get involved with us (without being sexist, racist or homophobic), please contact us at: dean@fthm.org.uk or use the contact form on the Contact page.
Best wishes, Dean Charlton
MY NOT VERY SERIOUS STARS
Scorpio 24 Oct – 22 Nov
This month, an academic fool will illustrate how little common sense they have to draw upon and will make you realise it’s you who is on the ball. You still have to address your personal hygiene problem otherwise you will continue to be a social outcast. You are entering a period of blood and tears which will result in an important epiphany that benefits you and others.
Sagittarius 23 Nov – 21 Dec
A good time to take up tennis if you have the balls to ignore some of your friends’ comments. Today you may fancy eating some crocodile meat. A Turkish person will offer delights that are beyond your wildest dreams, but can you meet the cost? You will soon learn you are lactose intolerant, but don’t milk the situation and quietly change your diet accordingly.
Capricorn 22 Dec – 20 Jan
You are far too hard on yourself, so, now it the time to step off of the treadmill and only be industrious when you want to be. This year has so far been very difficult, but things will change in the near future, so, make hay while the sun shines before the rain inevitable returns. Financial success may have eluded you, but you are well and are enjoying your journey.
Aquarius 21 Jan – 19 Feb
Beauty can be very fleeting and you may need to lay foundations that you can build on in the future. An old friend will make a welcome return to your life and make you laugh a lot. A heavily tattooed lady will leave some indelible memories that will haunt you for a long time. Stop obsessively chasing money and concentrate on improving your quality of life.
Pisces 20 Feb – 20 Mar
A very attractive person may reject you today, but it’s their loss as you are a wonderful person who has much to offer. Illness has plagued you recently, but you will soon be back on top of things and full of life once more. Someone who has been celibate for many years may turn to you for advice, but be gentle with them and don’t make them feel uncomfortable and daft.
Aries 21 Mar – 20 Apr
A member of the police force will make a grand faux pas at a busy, social event and remind you that we’re all flawed and vulnerable. No one is better than anyone else. A close friend may die and you may be clothed in grief, but this will pass as we all need to get on with things. If you’re feeling extremely nostalgic buy an old Who album and feel over the moon.
Taurus 21 Apr – 21 May
This month, it’s as if a creative tap has been turned on and ideas will flow over you in waves. A woman who was once stunning-looking will show interest in you, so, look beyond the wrinkles and be realistic about yourself and the world around you. Someone you love will ask you for some money but you will not see it again if you open up your purse. Drink coffee.
Gemini 22 May – 21 Jun
In the near future, your mind may be in a spin as you realise that the universe owes us nothing and religion may just have been invented by other people. Things have been topsy- turvy for you recently, but order will soon return and a pleasurable ride lies ahead. A close male friend will show his true colours but perhaps he’s blind to things that matter to you.
Cancer 22 Jun – 23 Jul
In our world, some money is essential but it is not a panacea. Find more of a balance in your life or you will never be happy. This week a disabled person will astound you with the strength they possess even though the odds are heavily stacked against them. When you read your horoscope, take it with a pinch of salt as it is only a bit of fun to season your boring life.
Leo 24 Jul – 23 Aug
Someone who obviously has issues will be nasty to you today, but do turn the other cheek as you’ve not got time to get to the bottom of their problems just now. Creativity is a sign of intelligence and you’ve got it in abundance, stop putting yourself down! An oriental woman will shock you with her choice of partner, but remember you don’t really know her history.
Virgo 24 Aug – 23 Sep
You clearly have an eye for women which will land you in deep trouble if you don’t avert your gaze from the current object of your desire. A large sum of money will be coming your way and will change your life for the better, or for the worse, depending on how you use it. Your diet is not perfect at the moment, but you’re coping and things will improve for you.
Libra 24 Sep – 23 Oct
A man who likes to wear unoriginal, ‘funny’ T shirts for attention, will now exhibit buds of creativity, so, help him to blossom. Aliens may offer a huge amount of cash for your home, but will you quietly accept it, or will you alert the authorities? Someone clearly on something will beg for money this week, but what will you do? Continue working as hard as you can.
JUNE’S WORLD
This month I am going to tell you about a holiday we had 35 – 40 years ago to Poland.
It was coming up to Christmas time and instead of the usual routine, which we’d done for many years, I asked my husband if he’d fancy going somewhere different that year to which he replied “Why not, where do you fancy going?”, to which I answered, Poland. He pointed out that it would be freezing cold and I told him we would just have to get well wrapped up!
We made all the necessary arrangements after talking to a local travel agent. She explained how cold it was there and indicated that there would be lots of snow. I thought that sounded lovely because I love snow. The journey, by coach would take a long, long time. We would have to be up very early to get to Castleford bus station in time.
Once I had the necessary information, I asked my son if he and his girlfriend (at the time) would like to accompany us to Poland for Christmas. His girlfriend was always at our house so, she replied “Yes”. Of course, but she had to ask her parents if it was okay, and they agreed as they knew she would be safe with us.
Anyway, a couple of days before Christmas, it was time for us to embark on the long journey. People had been picked up at Leeds Bus Station, Crossgates and Garforth and the bus was getting full. After all the cases were put in the boot of the bus, it was time for us to board. There was an air of excitement on the bus and we were all ready to start the journey to Poland. When the driver started the engine, there was a big cheer!
After a couple of hours being on the bus, the driver asked if anyone needed the toilet as there was a single toilet at the rear for anyone with a weak bladder. Once everyone had used the toilet, it was time to set off again. By now it was 10 O’clock in the morning and we had been travelling for about three hours. People who brought sandwiches ate them. My son and his girlfriend were more excited the further we travelled.
The tour guide stood up at the front of the bus and told us we were half-way to our destination. When we finally got there, we were led to a big building where they had tables set out in rows. This was the day before Christmas Eve, and we thought we were in for a treat. Unfortunately, the meal was, in fact, awful. They offered us cold carp which we had in our fish pond at home in Kippax. I know that everyone left it, but it so long ago that I can’ t remember what they replaced it with. But what I do remember is getting a delicious Christmas dinner with all the trimmings the day after. They had obviously learnt from their mistake the day before.
The following day the snow had fallen thick through the night, and we went for a sleigh ride with three or four men pulling us down the snow on sledges. We seemed to go really fast but we were alright because we were in capable and safe hands. After a few hours, we were taken to see the swans, which were a short distance away, from where we were staying. The tourist guide interestingly, said: “The Swains are on the water!”
Sadly, that little break was coming to an end. Everyone said they had enjoyed it and what a lovely weekend it had been.
That’s it for now. June. X.
GRAHAM TOWNSEND’S MONTHLY QUIZ
Questions:
(1) Which Disney song’s title means “no worries” in Swahili?
(2) What is the longest continental mountain range in the world?
(3) In algebra, what is a polynomial that is the sum of two terms?
(4) Who won the first season of “American Idol”?
(5) What is the medical name for the collarbone?
(6) Which character in “Peanuts” plays the piano?
(7) What is the fifth element in the periodic table?
(8) Which Southeast Asian mammal is also known as the bearcat?
(9) Who wrote the novel “Adam Bede”?
(10) Upper Volta is the former name of which country?
(11) In the Legend of Zelda game series, what is the name of the kingdom where it is set?
(12) The “Barden Bellas” are an all-female a cappella group featured in which film?
(13) Castor and Pollux are the brightest stars in which constellation?
(14) In the world of mobile phones, for what does the “M” in SMS stand?
(15) The fortified wine Setubal comes from which country?
(16) Which US city is known as the “City of Brotherly Love”?
(17) Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart are characters in what stage musical?
(18) Which summer 2025 Liverpool FC signing has a palindromic surname?
(19) What superhero name has been used by both Dr Henry Pym and Scott Lang?
(20) What is the medical term for bad breath?
Answers
(1) Hakuna Matata (2) Andes (3) Binomial (4) Kelly Clarkson (5) Clavicle (6) Schroeder (7) Boron (8) Binturong (9) George Eliot (10) Burkina Faso (11) Hyrule (12) Pitch Perfect (13) Gemini (14) Message – Short Message Service (15) Portugal (16) Philadelphia (17) Chicago (18) Hugo EKITIKE (19) Ant-Man (20) Halitosis
A VERY GOOD CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE FROM ANDREW WILKINSON
Ingredients:
½ lb of Stork margarine
½ lb of demerara sugar
5 fresh eggs
10 oz of plain flour
½ lb of sultanas
1 lb of currants
2 oz of mixed peel
2 oz of ground almonds
¼ teaspoon of allspice
1/8 teaspoon of ginger
¼ teaspoon of carbonate of soda
Small half-teaspoon of baking powder
This will make a good-sized cake!
Almond paste:
½ lb of ground almonds
½ lb of caster sugar
1 egg
2 or 3 drops of almond essence
Method:
1. Line cake tin with greaseproof paper. Mix almond paste, allspice, ginger, carbonate of soda, baking powder together in a plastic bag.
2. Beat margarine and demerara sugar to a cream. Sieve plain flour and mix a little at a time, also adding the contents of the bag slowly.
3. Then add the peel, mix in, then the eggs stirring well. Finally add the fruit and stir thoroughly.
4. Pre-heat the oven to 90 F. Bake for 1 hour, then increase to 110 F for about 4 hours.
5. Test with a skewer or knitting needle. Nothing should stick out when pulled out.
STARTING AFRESH
Written by S. Bee
“How did you find the book I recommended last week?” Debbie addressed her home-based book group brightly. Calling it a group with just three members was stretching it, she thought glumly. Still, it was a new group. Maybe more people would join later? At the same time, Debbie wondered if Sue or Fay had bothered to read the novel.
“To be honest, Debbie, it was like wading through treacle,” Sue replied.
“Thanks, Sue. I appreciate your -”
“Opinion?” Fay jumped in. “Frankness?”
“Frank opinion. How did you find it, Fay?” Debbie asked.
She shrugged. “If you don’t mind me saying, I found the plot quite tedious. I’m afraid I gave up on it after chapter 3.”
Sue broke in. “Same here. Hey, did you hear about the sheep who couldn’t get into a pub? Because it was -”
“Baared!” Fay burst out.
On the sofa, Sue and Fay clutched each other and collapsed into giggles.
Debbie stifled a sigh. “I think it’s time for a tea break.”
She headed for the kitchen. It was way too early for tea, but… those two just want to have a giggle. We may as well give up and go to the pub, she mused. Debbie was newly retired from her admin job. Stuck at home, on her own all day was difficult to get used to. She needed a new hobby and friends!
She’s thought that setting up a book group would be a good idea. Debbie had got busy and had designed some posters. She’d displayed these in the library and she’d also posted information on local social media groups. But Debbie had hoped to recruit more than two members. So far, the fifty- something group consisted of just her and two others – Sue, cheerful, blonde and curvy, who liked to tell corny jokes, and arty bohemian Fay, adorned in floating floral dress and jangling bracelets, who had a habit of finishing other people’s sentences.
When Debbie returned to the living room with a loaded tray, once again, Sue launched into her stand- up routine. “What do you call a deaf elephant?”
“Anything you like – he can’t hear you!” Fay finished.
Sue and Fay cackled with delight.
Oh, this is getting ridiculous, Debbie thought. She needed to take control! Maybe a light rom-com novel would be more up their street? Before she could leap in, Debbie noticed Fay looking up at the living room wall and pull a face. It was only a slight grimace – yet she could understand it.
The 1990’s wallpaper was absolutely hideous – the dark brown and lime green triangles clashed horribly. It was hardly soothing decor.
“It’s awful wallpaper, isn’t it? I was working full- time until recently. That’s why I haven’t got round to decorating,” she explained.
Debbie had planned to decorate once she’d retired, but as usual, time had run away with her.
“Look, I’ve got all the decorating gear at home. My ex-boyfriend left it when we split up. Why don’t I jump in the car and bring it round?” Sue suggested.
Debbie looked alarmed. “What – now?”
“Sounds like a great idea. I’ll come with you and help you carry it,” Fay offered.
“Hang on -” Debbie protested.
“With the three of us, we can get cracking. It won’t take long to strip the walls,” Sue breezed.
“There’s no need -”
“There’s every need,” Fay cut in. “Look, the main reason I wanted to join a book club was to make friends.”
“Same here,” Sue said.
Debbie frowned. “But if you’re not interested in reading fiction, why pick a book club to meet people?”
Sue looked shifty. “Well, I do like reading – but I don’t have -”
Fay cut in: “The time? The inclination?”
“The inclination. My factory job’s so boring. My silly jokes liven up the day,” Sue said.
“I know what you mean, Sue. I work in an art supplies store, part-time. We trade mainly online, as that’s how artists buy their supplies now. Some days are very slow. I’d prefer something more absorbing and rewarding, but jobs like that are hard to find,” Fay said.
“Well, I actually miss my job,” Debbie admitted, as she blinked back tears. “I miss my daily routine, the chats over coffee…”
“As we’re in confession mode, I’ll tell you the reason why I’ve developed a habit of finishing people’s sentences. It’s because I’ve found it’s the only way of getting people to notice me,” Fay confessed.
“I see.” Debbie’s mind was in a whirl.
Sue then clapped her hands. “Right ladies! How about getting this decorating done?”
Before Debbie could object, the two women had raced off – only to return with bin bags, buckets, pairs of sturdy rubber gloves, sponges, a wallpaper steamer, scrapers and dust sheets.
They cleared the room and covered the big furniture with the dust sheets. With the radio blaring and everyone singing along, they began work. By midnight, Debbie’s walls were clean and stripped, ready for a fresh look.
“Thank you so much!” she gushed.
“No problem,” Sue said.
“We’re happy to help,” Fay added.
Amongst heartfelt hugs, Debbie bid a cheerful farewell to her new decorating gang. She needed a good night’s rest, because tomorrow (Saturday) Sue and Fay were popping round again. Fay was driving them to a big DIY store to help her chose some pretty wallpaper. Later, the three of them would finish the job by pasting the nice wallpaper on the walls. Sue also had a decorating paste table.
She smiled. What a night! From disaster to triumph!
“Hey, you’ve done a grand job here, Debbie.” Agnes, Debbie’s neighbour was impressed as she looked around the newly decorated, bright, airy living room. The subtle floral wallpaper gave Debbie’s home a completely different, uplifting mood.
“Thanks. My friends helped.”
“Hm. I wonder… would you and your friends re-decorate my bedroom? I’d pay you a reasonable rate.”
Suddenly, an exciting idea sprang up. Fay had a tedious job. Sue disliked hers – and I need something to occupy myself too, she thought. But would people use a female- only team of decorators? She asked Agnes if she would, right there and then.
“Of course I would!’ she beamed.
Debbie’s heart soared. A brand-new career beckoned!
BOOK REVIEW: CAKES ON A TRAIN BY KRISHNA FRANCIS
Review by Graham Townsend
The first thing that struck me about this book was the playful but pleasant illustrations evident on the front and back covers. The second thing was that down the spine of the book, the author is referred to as Krishna Francis but on the front cover itself is referred to as Krish Francis. Surely for consistency purposes the names should be the same however, this is a minor issue and I will not take this into consideration when giving the book an overall rating at the end.
On to the story itself then. The main character is called Mia. She is an eleven-year-old girl. The plot revolves around a trip to a Women’s Institute event; I’ll refer to the organisation as the WI from this point onwards. Mia’s mother Mary Rose is heavily involved with her local branch and has arranged a trip to a local fete, via train. Along the way we get to meet several other members of the WI as well as Max, the son of one of these ladies, and Rajeev, who is Mia’s father.
Other characters who also crop up during the journey include Mr Pamplemousse, a children’s entertainer, who is also attending the same event and various members of staff from the rail company. As the story progresses, we discover his real name is Rakesh and he has a drone with him which comes to great use. Another character who plays an important role is Antoinette. She is a police woman as well as being one of Mary Rose’s WI associates.
As you may have guessed from the title food is heavily involved here. The WI members have all prepared something to take with them to the fete they are attending.
If you have seen the film “Speed” you will be quite familiar with the plotline. This seems to be the main inspiration behind the book and also behind the main antagonist who wants to ruin everyone’s day out! I’d like to point out that whether you have seen the film or not, it should not detract from your enjoyment of the story.
This person in question is a disgruntled member of the WI, called Char (or Charlotte Killinghurst to give her Killing Hurst full name) who wants to make a point of her dissatisfaction by causing absolute mayhem, not just for her so-called friends/colleagues but for everyone on the train. She is a former member of the military who has experience of being involved in tragic events and allegedly was responsible for the deaths of some colleagues which it was believed led to her dismissal from the armed forces.
Char claims to have planted bombs somewhere on the train. Our cast of characters have to discover whether she is telling the truth or bluffing. As for the outcome of whether Char is successful in achieving her objective, I’ll leave that for you to find out by reading the book yourself.
As a fifty-seven-year-old man, I very much enjoyed reading this book. I’m not convinced that I am part of the target audience either so, this surely has to be a positive. What is the target audience? I’m not one-hundred percent sure. On the surface it seems that it should be children and young adults however, some of the content is probably more suited to adults.
I would give the book an overall rating of four out of five stars.
BIBLE QUOTE OF THE MONTH
Sent in by Peter Smith
‘Truly, truly I say to you, he who hears my word and believes in him who sent me has everlasting life, and will not come into judgement, but has passed from death into life’.
(John 5:24)
Here Jesus tells us that we are saved by believing, by faith. Good deeds follow faith, but the deeds do not save us.
ALICE’S THING OF THE MONTH
Written by Alice Kaur
Hello and welcome back to Alice’s Thing of The Month. This month we are going to be talking about My Melody and Kuromi.
My Melody and Kuromi are Sanrio characters, from the world of Hello Kitty and Friends. Netflix recently did a stop motion animation TV Series about the two characters. They are both described as anthropomorphic characters and they are both bunnies, My Melody is a white bunny who wears a pink hood that covers her ears, often with a flower on one side. Her personality is described as sweet, kind and well-mannered. She loves baking and is close friends with Hello Kitty. Kuromi is a black bunny who wears a black jester’s hat with a pink skull on the front and has a mischievous look about her. Her personality is described as punky, sassy and a bit of a troublemaker but she still has a cute and girly side and deep down really does care for her friends. Kuromi enjoys writing in her diary and listening to punk rock music.
The TV Show premiered worldwide on Netflix on July 24th this year, it was made as a celebration of My Melody’s 50th anniversary and Kuromi’s 20th anniversary. The show is 12 episodes long with each episode being between 11-17 minutes long. It’s set in the wonderful world of Mari Land.
The story is about My Melody and Kuromi’s relationship, Kuromi is often jealous of My Melody and all the love she receives from the villagers and how much they love her baking. Even though they are supposed to be best friends this show portrays them as being frenemies. Kuromi goes out of her way to try get people to like her and when she finds out there is a baking competition coming up to find out who is the best baker in Mari Land she does everything in her power to become that.
Kuromi begins by stealing all of My Melody’s strawberries so she is no longer able to make any of her baked goods so this sends My Melody on an adventure into the forest, there she discovers a little heart and gets transported to a land in the sky. Here she learns there is another place other than her own and that bad things can actually happen. She decides to protect this heart at all costs and not even tell her friends about it. Hiding this from her friends leads to bad consequences even though she sees the good in all things.
There is a lot of twists and turns in this series with a lot of dark and sweet themes throughout. I loved every episode and would be thrilled if Netflix continued the trend with a series about Pompompurin who is a pudding shaped golden retriever and my favourite Sanrio character.
Thanks for reading.
THE INFLUENCE OF AI & DATA ANALYTICS IN SPORT
Written by Graham Townsend
This is quite a wide ranging subject to write about however, I will cover it in as much detail as I can.
There are so many areas within sport which are now being touched by data analysis or AI. One of the most evident is the use of technology to help officials with decision making. Whether it be the automated element of VAR in football, the use of DRS in cricket, a name shared with a totally different automated system in Formula One motor racing or the recent and quite controversial replacement of line judges in Grand Slam tennis events, it seems to be a topic that is currently on many peoples’ lips.
These are the more obvious elements of their use however, there are also many other uses of these technologies that are not always obvious to the discerning sports fan. A good example here is the use of statistical-based analysis by Premier League clubs such as Brentford and Brighton to build their squads. When you hear about players being signed by teams at the top level in Europe and the big names being bandied about, you rarely hear these two teams mentioned. That seems to be because they have a totally different approach to recruitment. They look to develop players from what many would describe as lesser teams, based on their statistical performances.
Recent years has also seen a rise in the coverage afforded to eSports. This is where people play video game tournaments or matches competitively for money or trophies. Some of these are directly sports video game related whilst others are non-sport related video games. There is some crossover here with sport itself when you look at someone like Will Still, the current manager of EFL Championship team Southampton. Although there is no evidence to suggest he ever played eSports competitively, he stated clearly that he was led into the world of coaching by switching focus from playing football to spending time playing video games such as Football Manager and Championship Manager. Having dabbled with such games myself, in my youth, I remember how much they were statistics based.
So, when looking at the pros and cons of using these forms of technology, ultimately, they are being introduced to improve the quality of things however, this does not always seem to be the case. There are bound to be teething problems with anything new, a good example being the recent change at the Wimbledon tennis where they used automation instead of human line judges. My personal opinion is that you will never be able to eradicate mistakes, human or otherwise. The other key downside is the loss of employment brought about by AI usage. Data analysis is a separate issue as I see that as mostly positive and less impactful in terms of job loss. Overall, I feel there is a place for both AI and data analysis to be used on a large scale but, it has to be brought in once it has been tested thoroughly and shown that it is actually improving a situation.
BRENDA’S WILDLIFE CORNER
Camel
Everyone knows that camels are one-toed and have fatty deposits known as “humps” on their back, but are you aware that there are now only three surviving species of camel which are: the one-humped Dromedary, the two-humped Bactrian camel and the wild Bactrian camel? In 2010, there were about 14 million camels in the world with 94% being one-humped; the vast majority are domesticated and are used for transport, milk, meat, butter, cheese and for textiles (fibre and felt from camel hair).
Physically, not only does the Bactrian camel differ from the Dromedary camel, in that it has two humps, but it usually a foot taller and much heavier (2,200 lb). Surprisingly, camels can run up to 40 mph in short bursts and are aided by the wide toes on their hooves which give them extra grip in desert conditions.
Some people think that the humps of camels contain stored water, but this is incorrect, as they are composed of fatty tissue. It is true that camels can go a long time without water and can even get by, by drinking once every ten days – water is then stored in the camel’s bloodstream. In addition, they can withstand changes in body temperature and water consumption that would kill most mammals; they lose less water than other livestock, but even so, they can tolerate losing 25% of their body weight in water.
A camel’s thick coat insulates them from intense heat that comes from desert sand, and they sweat a lot more if their coat is shorn. They are able to chew thorny desert plants due to their thick leathery tongue; interestingly, the camel also has a third eyelid which it uses to dislodge sand. All-in-all, the camel is perfectly adapted to extreme desert conditions – it even has long legs to keep its body far from the ground. It also has an immune system that is different to other mammals.
Domestication of camels (like horses) began in North America and spread to other parts of the world – there is even a feral population in Australia. Camel meat and milk is used by people in the Middle East, North Africa and in some Australian cuisines. Some desert nomad tribes depend on camel milk as a large part of their diet. Many people think that camel meat tastes like coarse beef, and in Islam, it is considered to be halal but is not kosher in Judaism.
The mating of camels is unusual as it occurs with both male and female sitting on the ground, with the male mounting from behind and ejaculating 3 or 4 times in one mating session.
In history, humans have found use of the camel at military level with the US Army even establishing a US Camel Corps in the nineteenth century.
In Saudi Arabia, there is even the annual King Abdulaziz Camel Festival when camels are raced, milk is judged and there is even a “beauty pageant”.
So, it is fair to say that humans have found many uses for the camel for many years.
* Ref. Wikipedia
WENDY’S WORLD IN RHYME
When we moved into this house, we were as happy as could be.
This was our first family home. In the garden was an apple tree.
What memories we have made beneath our lovely tree.
Birthday parties and BBQs with all our family.
My children in their paddling pool.
Photos of first days at school.
Posing on their wedding days and our grandchildren coming round to play.
Now my apple tree bore so much – far too much for me.
My children had an apple stall and gave some away for free.
I’ve peeled and stewed, made lots of pies crumbles and chutney too.
Eating apples every month, desserts the whole year through.
Now the years have passed us by and it’s time to move away.
Whoever moves into our home, I hope my apple tree will stay.
Is it really possible to love a tree as such?
I know it’s getting old now and won’t be loved as much.
So, I’m carving my initials before I say goodbye. to my lovely apple tree – then the new
family will know how much it meant to me
TABLE MANNERS
Written by S. Bee
“Has it been delivered yet?” My neighbour Mrs Hopkins asked me over the garden fence as I brought the laundry in.
I shook my head. “No. The furniture company say it’s currently out of stock, but they’re doing all they can. Our order will still be honoured. It’ll be with us as soon as possible.”
“Oh right. How long have you been waiting now?”
“Three weeks. I know it’s not long but – well, we’re not used to balancing our plates on our knees!”
I chuckled. “I guess we’ll just have to be patient.”
My hubby Tom and I had recently ordered a dining table. We’d moved into the area and we’d found a new home on Lilac Close. It was a cosy 2 bed terrace with a neat garden. Lilac close was a pleasant, quiet, cul-de-sac. We’d just smiled and said hello but our neighbours seemed nice.
Anyway, there was space in our kitchen for a medium-sized table, that would seat 4. Perfect! A 4- seater table meant that we could invite family and friends around for a meal. We browsed online, until we found exactly what we were looking for. Then we confidently placed an order.
However, so far, the space in the kitchen remained empty.
“Tell you what, Helen – why don’t you and Tom come over to mine for an evening meal tomorrow?”
“Er -” It was kind of Mrs Hopkins but as a widowed senior citizen, I didn’t want to cause her any inconvenience.
“Do you and Tom like home-made shepherd’s pie?” she went on.
Yum! That sounded gorgeous. “We do.”
“I’ll be making it myself from scratch. I can’t be doing with these silly microwave ready meals. They’re small portions and expensive to boot. Now, there’ll be sparkling water to drink. Is that alright?” she asked cautiously.
‘That’s fine. This is very generous of you, Mrs Hopkins.”
“Well, you two can return the favour and invite me round to dinner when your dining table arrives.”
I smiled. “We’d be pleased to.”
“Right. That’s settled. I’ll expect you both on my doorstep at 6.30 tomorrow evening.”
I wouldn’t admit it to Mrs Hopkins but for the past three weeks, Tom and I had virtually survived on microwave ready meals.
But as Mrs Hopkins had pointed out, they contained very small portions and yes, they were quite expensive!
Neither of us had been keen on making big meals because, eating from plates on our laps, the contents could easily spill over. I didn’t want to spend hours scrubbing the sofa or the new carpet when gravy was spilled.
“Do we need to get dressed up?” Tom asked, when he arrived home from work the next day. We both worked in the IT sector.
“Well, it’s not a formal dinner party, is it? There’s just us three. I think smart but casual will be okay,” I replied”
“Jeans and trainers it is then. I don’t know about you Helen, but I’m looking forward to a hearty, home- cooked meal.”
“Same here.”
Mrs Hopkins’ cooking didn’t disappoint. She even threw in a dessert of vanilla ice-cream and strawberry cheesecake.
“I’m afraid I didn’t make the cheesecake myself,” she shyly confessed.
“We don’t expect you to make every little thing yourself, Mrs Hopkins. That meal was really lovely,” I said.
“Yes. It was absolutely smashing.” Tom patted his belly appreciatively.
She beamed. “It was nice to have someone to cook for.”
“It was nice to sit at a table and eat,” Tom added.
Meanwhile, a few days later, I bumped into another neighbour in the local grocery shop. I’d seen her out and about, walking her dog. She was a friendly looking woman around my own age (mid- forties). I instantly loved her outfit of floral skirt and top.
“Hi! You must be Helen. I’m Tanya, and me and my hubby Nick live at number 24. We heard about your dining table problem. I know you haven’t lived here long, and you don’t know us, but would you like to pop over to ours for dinner on Friday?”
My heart warmed. Of course we would!
“That’s so kind of you. We’d love to,” I beamed.
Tanya and I really hit it off and we found ourselves spending our Saturdays in town, out clothes shopping. Tom and Nick shared an interest in classic cars. We vowed to return the dinner favour to Nick and Tanya when our table had been delivered. However, to our dismay, it was still delayed.
The word spread and soon, other caring neighbours offered us home-cooked meals, too. It was great getting to know everyone.
Some of the neighbours didn’t know each other very well, so it was good to say to Mrs Hopkins: “We visited to Mr Armitage at number 20 and he made us a lovey meal of new potatoes, steak pie, carrots and peas. Mr Armitage says you’re very welcome to join us at number 20 next time.”
“Oh, that’s nice of Mr Armitage. I’d love to join you!” She seemed really pleased.
Two weeks passed, then another two… and the community on Lilac Close stepped up a gear. People were mixing and mingling, going round to each other’s places for regular evening meals!
“I never knew Mr Armitage had been in the army, like my husband, Harry,” Mrs Hopkins said. “He loved my home- made shepherd’s pie. That reminds me – me and Mrs Bailey at number 18 are going to write a recipe book for charity. This will include everyone’s dishes from Lilac Close.”
I smiled. “That’s a fabulous idea!”
But of course, Tom and I couldn’t contribute to the recipe book…
“I feel awful. We’re the only neighbours who can’t offer dinner to anyone,” I said to Tom.
“Don’t feel awful, Helen. This whole community ‘meet and eat’ thing started because we don’t have a dining table – remember?”
I nodded. “Talking of the table – are there any updates?”
“Let’s see.”
He scooped up his phone and logged into the furniture company’s tracking app.
“Oh – it’s coming tomorrow morning! At long last!”
“Brilliant! Right – we need to start planning a menu…”
FABULOUS JUNE CHARLTON SHARES SOME MORE RECIPES
Queen Cakes
Ingredients:
8 oz of flour
8 oz of butter
8 oz of sugar
1 teaspoon of baking powder
4 eggs
8 oz of currants
The grated rind of a lemon
Method:
1. Beat the butter and sugar until the mixture is fluffy and pale, then beat in the eggs, one at a time.
2. Fold in the sifted flour and baking powder and add the currants and grated lemon rind.
3. Bake the cakes in small tins in a fairly quick oven until risen and pale brown.
Flap Jack Biscuits
Ingredients:
¼ lb of butter
3 oz of golden syrup
3 oz of soft brown sugar
6 oz of porridge oats
1 oz of desiccated coconut
1 oz of walnuts
Method:
1. Place butter, syrup and sugar in a pan over a low heat until melted. Stir in the oats, coconut and nuts.
2. Spread thinly over the base of a greased 9×12- inch Swiss roll tin and smooth the top.
3. Bake at 350 F/gas mark 4 for 30 minutes and leave to cool for 5 minutes in the tin. Cut into 24 fingers and remove from the tin when cold.
French Hazelnut Slices
Ingredients:
2 large eggs
4 oz of sugar
2 ½ oz of self-raising flour
¼ pint of single cream
2 ½ oz of ground hazelnuts
1 teaspoon of baking powder
Melted dark chocolate to glaze
Whole hazelnuts
Method:
1. Mix eggs, sugar and cream well. Add sifted flour and baking powder and lastly hazelnuts.
2. Bake in buttered and lined 9-inch square tin for about 30 – 35 minutes at 375 F/gas mark 5.
3. When cool, turn out cake and cut into two (making oblong halves). Glaze with melted chocolate and decorate with a few whole hazelnuts.
Rich Chocolate Cake
Ingredients:
½ lb of melted, plain chocolate
5 separated eggs
1 ½ oz of self-raising flour
3 oz of ground almonds
6 ½ oz of granulated sugar
4 oz of butter or margarine
Filling:
Apricot jam
Icing
½ lb of plain chocolate (optional)
Method:
1. Melt chocolate. Separate eggs. Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add egg yolks and melted chocolate, ground almonds and flour. Loosely fold in the egg whites.
2. Put in a well-greased 8-inch cake tin and bake for 1 ¼ hours in a moderate oven 350 F/gas mark 4. The cake should be moist and gooey – don’t over bake.
3. When cool, cut through the middle and sandwich together with a thin layer of apricot jam. Ice with melted chocolate if desired.
GIG REVIEW – ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN
Written by Graham Townsend
Out of all the gigs I had tickets to see at the Piece Hall, Halifax in 2025, this was the one I was least sure about. The band have some great songs but I had absolutely no idea about how good they would be live, especially around thirty-five to forty years on from when they were at their commercial peak.
I was also intrigued by the support act, Michael Head and the Red Elastic Band. I had heard good things about Michael, from friends, who knew him for his work with the Pale Fountains and also Shack.
As it turned out, he seemed to be efficient and came across well. I didn’t know any of his songs. Perhaps if I had made a little more effort to get to know his material, I would have enjoyed it more but he was certainly OK.
When the Bunnymen came on stage they started with “Going Up” a track I wasn’t familiar with but thought it was okay. I did notice a lack of well-known songs in the first half of the set although I did know “Rescue” and “Never Stop”. I had also listened to “Over the Wall” earlier in the day. This latter track was the final track of the first half of the set. At this point I had my first real disappointment of the evening as the band went off stage after playing for only around thirty-five minutes.
When they came back on, we did get to hear “Bring on the Dancing Horses”, one of my favourites by them, immediately followed up by “Nothing Lasts Forever” and “Seven Seas”. Things seemed to be picking up however, this was probably as good as it got. After a couple more tracks, we did get to hear “The Cutter” and then “The Killing Moon” but this was, somewhat strangely in my opinion, followed by two one-track encores. “Lips Like Sugar” was alright but I can’t say I enjoyed the set closing “Ocean Rain”. This may well have been chosen as the last song for the hardcore Bunnymen fans but I felt that it ended the show on a slightly down note.
From an overall perspective, musically the Bunnymen were fine but it was the perceived lack of effort and input from frontman Ian McCulloch that was the biggest disappointment for me. In my opinion he gave the impression that he didn’t really want to be there. I have seen reviews from other people who attended the gig and they were saying how good it was. I know it is all subjective however, I try to be objective in all my reviews, whether they be music related or otherwise. I also accept that you have to temper expectations as quite clearly the band are no longer at the peak of their powers. Having said all that, this is easily in the worst three concerts I have ever attended and, I’ve been to close to one-hundred top-line shows over the years I would say.
Sadly, I would give the gig a rating of two out of five stars.
ANOTHER FUN QUIZ FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH
Questions:
(1) How old is entrepreneur Elon Musk?
(2) Who invented the computer mouse?
(3) What is the currency of the Falkland Islands?
(4) What is the French word for ground floor?
(5) Who was the first black, professional footballer in England?
(6) What is the capital of Belarus?
(7) What is the Spanish word for brother?
(8) Who played the original Sgt. Bilko?
(9) What is the chemical formula for ethanol?
(10) Where was footballer Pele born?
(11) What is the most common cancer in the US?
(12) Who wrote the first computer program?
(13) Where was Andre the Giant born?
(14) What was Audrey Hepburn’s last movie role?
(15) Who invented the crossword?
(16) When was the British Conservative Party formed?
(17) What does ex-Everton goalkeeper Neville Southall now advocate?
(18) How old was Mozart when he created his first composition?
(19) Which company manufactures the most chocolate in the world?
(20) How old was Karl Marx when he wrote Das Kapital?
Answers:
(1) 54 (2) Doug Engelbart (3) The pound (4) Rez-de-chausee (5) Arthur “Kwame” Wharton (6) Minsk (7) Hermano (8) Phil Silvers (9) CH3CH2OH (10) Tres Coracoes, Brazil (11) Skin Cancer (12) Ada Lovelace (13) Coulommiers, France (14) “Always” – 1989 (15) Arthur Wynne (16) 1834 (17) Mental health, LGBTQ, social injustice (18) 5 (19) Mars, Incorporated (20) 49
Editor’s Final Word
Thank you so much for reading this magazine. I hope it will inspire you to undertake your own project or join ours.
If you want to get involved, please contact us at: dean@fthm.org.uk.
If you would like to make a donation to help towards the costs of running the magazine, please use the donations form on the Donate page.
Best wishes, Dean, Brenda, Graham and Hari.