Scorpio 24 Oct – 22 Nov
You have just been through a very tough period in your life, but on the bright side, your mind is once again fertile and you are about to give birth to some new and exciting ideas. However, you will feel temporarily upset when a friend lets you down badly. Stop kissing frogs as you probably don’t want a prince in the current climate. Money is coming your way if you wait.
Sagittarius 23 Nov – 21 Dec
Your partner has been good to you recently, so, why not give them a visual treat? Someone with big assets will reveal a side of them that surprises you. This month, an alien will quiz you about human behaviour and you will be lost for words. Life can be mundane but, happily, some great things are about to happen to you that’ll make everything seem more reasonable.
Capricorn 22 Dec – 20 Jan
Someone called Jethro, who you thought was thick as a brick, will construct an argument that leaves you in ruins. You may have a problem with a mouse until you realise it probably just needs a new battery in it. The way that the planets are aligned, suggests that something more valuable than money or gold is coming your way. Laugh at the funny mushrooms you find.
Aquarius 21 Jan – 19 Feb
In a world, where some people get paid silly money, you are very wise as you have realised that enough is, indeed, enough. You have been preoccupied with death, but this is okay as it will sharpen your perceptions and help you value what you have. A hot barista may sweeten your day with more than chocolate – enjoy the moment! Someone may be rude to you today.
Pisces 20 Feb – 20 Mar
You do suffer from flatulence, but you are still much nicer than some very important people. Don’t act like a fool when a beautiful person offers you the world. You may have a car accident in the near future, but you will be unhurt, and will get a lot of mileage out of talking about the experience. This month, a financial shark will bite off more than they can chew.
Aries 21 Mar – 20 Apr
A braless woman will catch your eye, but remember that although your eyes may belong to you, your body belongs to your partner. You may feel very down at the moment, but bear in mind that you don’t know what is around the corner. Buy, and fly, a kite and experience the illusion of being in control of something for once. Get a cat and enjoy being led a dance.
Taurus 21 Apr – 21 May
Your partner will bring home another ‘bargain’, but you will know to keep quiet and turn a wise, blind eye. Your extreme vanity mirrors your huge ego but something will happen soon that will change the way you see yourself and the world. The clock is ticking and yet, you continue to act like a fool. A surprise pregnancy may stop you being Jack the lad. Appreciate.
Gemini 22 May – 21 Jun
Constipation may be an unwelcome companion at the moment, but it will not stop your verbal diarrhoea. Forget price when it comes to buying a special gift for a loved one. If there was a fly on your wall, it would be shocked at what you get up to behind closed doors. Love is near to you, if only you could open up your eyes and your lonely heart. Eat good food.
Cancer 22 Jun – 23 Jul
You may think you possess the vocal ability of the late, great Elvis Presley, but you are deluded as you sing more like a demented cat. A young female student will impress you with her academic knowledge but lack of street wisdom. A good time to consider emigrating, but don’t burn all your bridges, as the grass may not be greener on the other side of the world.
Leo 24 Jul – 23 Aug
This week, be careful who you confide in, as you know they have a track record of being a gossip. You may still have that bad habit, but at least you are not hurting anyone else. It is a good time to buy a bicycle, but not a good time to ride it on British roads. May be reassess your values and choose to join an Amish community. A man with a turban will help you.
Virgo 24 Aug – 23 Sep
In the near future, you may discover that you need to start to wear spectacles, but don’t worry, as this is just part of getting older, and at least you can still see! An Aussie man will come along and turn your world upside-down and impress you with his good-natured approach to life. You may find that someone who talks rubbish is littered with good qualities.
Libra 24 Sep – 23 Oct
Now is a good time to stop thinking of the future and lose yourself in the present moment. Sometimes, we seem to find ourselves in a mental cul-de-sac, but it’s okay as life can always pull something out of the bag that transforms us and our state of mind. Treat yourself to a large bar of chocolate and worry about the weighing scales tomorrow. Fry some sole fish.