Scorpio 24 Oct – 24 Nov
If you want to play around with the orchestra, make sure you’re honest about it and that you are only looking for a no-strings arrangement. This year promises to be a bit better than last year, but don’t be surprised if you are still doing most of the work for others. In fact, a change of career would be good for you and enable you to realise your vast potential. Be more optimistic.
Sagittarius 23 Nov – 21 Dec
It is a good time to keep your head down and pray that you are not preyed upon by the religious fanatics you know. You are full of lust at the moment, but don’t worry as it is just nature doing its thing. Shave off all your body hair like the smooth-talking man in the café. Maybe exchange your partner for a dog if you think you are barking up the wrong tree.
Capricorn 22 Dec – 20 Jan
This month you may witness a friend’s son being beaten up and do nothing – are you a man or a cowardly mouse? A new wig would be a good addition to your wardrobe, so, stop splitting financial hairs and put your hand in your pocket for once. You may feel safe shouting from the crowd but it’s time for you to be the performer and stop just consuming.
Aquarius 21 Jan – 19 Feb
Don’t react to the gay woman who clearly doesn’t like men. Also, someone with a fat arse will blow your mind and do things that make your life more bearable. You now have little to prove, so, just lie back and enjoy the ride as you deserve a bit of pleasure. Maybe do something to help someone even though it is unlikely they would do the same for you.
Pisces 20 Feb – 20 Mar
Life can be very mundane, but this month, there will be fireworks in your life which will brighten up your whole existence. Envy for other seems to be possessing you but if you don’t change your mind soon, you’ve not a ghost of a chance of finding happiness. Don’t fall in love with the person who is already in love with themselves. Spring may soon be here!
Aries 21 Mar – 20 Apr
You consume sugar like there’s no tomorrow, so, cut back if you don’t want to add diabetes to your list of ailments. Come down from your high horse and realise that everyone has value even if they can’t gallop as fast as you can. Money will be tight in the future, so, buckle down and prepare for a rough ride. A clearly privileged person will be very kind to you tomorrow.
Taurus 21 Apr – 21 May
A woman with bushes under her arms will come onto you soon, but are you ready to nurture a new romantic relationship? A nice little family unit will befriend you and make you feel loved and appreciated. You are a very creative person so use this wonderful gift from the universe more than you are doing at present. Cherish your parents more – while they are here.
Gemini 22 May – 21 Jun
It may now be inclement weather, but a stranger will warm the cockles of your heart if you accept them and don’t throw them back. Don’t work too hard for although mania can be enjoyable and fruitful, the crash that follows can be devastating. Learn to accept that sometimes accepting is all you can do. Buy some smoked kippers if this makes you happy.
Cancer 22 Jun – 23 Jul
Someone you thought you knew well will stab you in the back this week. Consequently, be more careful who you confide in. Now’s a good time to withdraw from this toxic and often evil world, and live happily inside your own little bubble. A woman may show you how silly it is to prejudge people you don’t know by giving you a nice surprise. Rely less on drugs.
Leo 24 Jul – 23 Aug
It is time that you started putting yourself first even it upsets other people. Get a new tattoo if that turns you on. Do stop walking on egg shells around someone you know, and don’t chicken out from asserting yourself if you need to. Why not plan a summer getaway for your family as you all deserve something nice. Good financial news will come your way soon.
Virgo 24 Aug – 23 Sep
You are about to enter a very fruitful time in your life when everything you touch will bloom. Maybe change your old car as you will have a large clutch of money to spend. Your life is yours to do what you want to do with it, so, if you’re happy wasting it, that’s fine. Remember a bird in the bush is worth three up the bottom. Enjoy this brief taste of sweet happiness.
Libra 24 Sep – 23 Oct
If you’re lucky enough to enjoy your work, then you will be even happier when what you have worked for starts to earn you some good money. Love will show its beautiful face if you can see what’s right in front of your eyes. Learn to know when enough is enough otherwise you will never find what you think you are looking for. Buy a new green umbrella. Share.
