Scorpio 24 Oct – 22 Nov
This month, there may be fireworks in the bedroom with someone you recently met online – but do consider the possible consequences. Now that you are feeling better, make hay while the sun shines before the rain comes again. It is time to accept that you need to reduce your alcohol consumption. You still don’t know the meaning of life, but you’re are not alone.
Sagittarius 23 Nov – 21 Dec
Something really good is about to happen to you if you can just ride the huge negative wave that you are currently on. A narcissist will get on your nerves this week, so, just tell him to go away and concentrate on shaping his image. Christmas is not far away and it is time to decide if you will play the usual commercial game. Be careful what you do next Friday morning.
Capricorn 22 Dec – 20 Jan
A man with a battered shopping trolley, who laughs in the face of fashion, will astound you with his knowledge of current affairs. It is a good time to incorporate more roughage into your poor diet. Maybe take a winter holiday as you have definitely earned it. A facelift is a good idea if you are to attract that younger person who you crave. Try to lose some weight.
Aquarius 21 Jan – 19 Feb
Death is inevitable, so, do try and get on with the job of living this difficult life and squeeze what you can from the present moment. Love will come knocking on your door and will prove to be a very welcome visitor in your life. But don’t forget those who will always be there for you if things go pear-shaped. Time to invest some money in an idea you have.
Pisces 20 Feb – 20 Mar
Good times lie ahead for you as you finally meet, and fall in love with, someone as ugly as yourself. Time to go through all your gears and show the world what you’re really all about. Someone in black may darken your door, but don’t worry, as there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Keep the faith if you want a baby. Maybe be more honest with people you love.
Aries 21 Mar – 20 Apr
Your life is good at the moment, so, keep on doing what you are doing. Grow a moustache and goose-step around your mother-in-law’s garden. However, do stop thinking you are too good for anyone of the opposite sex – or you will always be on your own. Ironically, you are a very generous person and must stop letting people take advantage of your good nature.
Taurus 21 Apr – 21 May
The secret problem you have needs addressing now – before it develops in to a huge psychological dilemma. Don’t retaliate against the toxic ex-friend who has shown her true colours. Also stop making a mountain out of a mole hill as perception is everything. A good time to take more exercise and look after your body a bit better. Remember we are all flawed.
Gemini 22 May – 21 Jun
It is clearly a waste of energy being envious of others’ possessions as you have so much good in your life. The grass is rarely greener on the other side. If you are a dysfunctional man, it may be time to look abroad and ‘buy’ a partner. A silly man, in a bow tie, may offer to float your boat, but, in reality, will only leave you with a sinking feeling. Start to grow vegetables.
Cancer 22 Jun – 23 Jul
Some money, that is not life-changing, will fall into your lap on Wednesday, so, your immediate financial problems will evaporate overnight. You may fall in love with someone you meet on a train and this may change the direction of your life. You may also meet a man wearing a pork pie hat and he will help you in unexpected ways. Give more to charity. Laugh.
Leo 24 Jul – 23 Aug
You will realise that you will never be a star athlete but that you can still make a valued contribution as a pacemaker. A beautiful woman will blow your mind this month, but you will quickly learn that there is not a lot more to her, other than her looks. You will meet a former, tyrannical school teacher and quickly understand that it was all just a big game – like life.
Virgo 24 Aug – 23 Sep
It is now a good time to take a more realistic view of yourself and lower your unrealistic expectations in life. A know-it-all, will surprise you this week when he reveals a more endearing side of his personality. Money may be in short supply at the moment, but don’t worry, as you will soon receive a considerable amount out-of-the-blue. Eat more liquorice.
Libra 24 Sep – 23 Oct
Now it is the time to be kind and considerate to the man who feels threatened by you because his partner is clearly attracted to you. A dentist, who is also a top amateur cricketer, will bowl you over with his generosity this week. You may sometimes feel lonely in your bubble, but surely it is better than being overwhelmed by things that are clearly, fundamentally incorrect.